# Support Group For Married Vapers and Ideas to Alleviate Angry Spouses



## Christos (5/9/19)

Creating this thread, although @Silver should be credited with the idea!

A common theme seems to be spouses that are upset with their partners spending or time away from home be it for VapeCon or purchases made etc.

I would love to hear ideas and practical suggestions on how you handle things and how you alleviate some of the tension caused in the relationship and hopefully we can all learn something from this and implement in our daily lives to strengthen the bonds we have and also make our lives that much less stressful!

I would prefer some practical, easy to apply ideas that you have implemented and some feedback on how well the ideas work!

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## Christos (5/9/19)

@Arthster , @Halfdaft Customs you may want to pay attention to this thread as it progresses!

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## Christos (5/9/19)

So Suggestion #1 and I have heard a lot of friends do this one with great success.

Spend the same amount on your wife/spouse that you have spent on a mod or a purchase. 
This one I credit to @Petrus as it seems to be working wonders for his relationship but not wonders for his bank account!

Reactions: Like 4 | Informative 1


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## Arthster (5/9/19)

Hi my name is Arthster and I have a problem... Well actually my wife has a problem and apparently, Ney, allegedly I am the cause.

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## Cornelius (5/9/19)

I tend to get the eye! Or a conversation along the lines of, DON'T YOU HAVE ENOUGH ! 

So I have come up with some solutions. 
1) Vape mail comes to work 
2) All purchases of the forum gets "Swapped" for. Normally for the DIY juice I make
3) I Take her out for clothes shopping before unpacking Vapecon or Big orders received! Only unpack while she is occupied with new clothes, perfume etc. <- Very important 
4) Similar to my fishing gear I under value everything by 50% at least 

Hope this can help someone a little

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## Arthster (5/9/19)

Cornelius said:


> I tend to get the eye! Or a conversation along the lines of, DON'T YOU HAVE ENOUGH !
> 
> So I have come up with some solutions.
> 1) Vape mail comes to work
> ...



Yeah I have the same as above except I unpack at work and sneak them arround in my back pack.

No I am lying my wife knows about all my purchases, their normal price and the on sale price I payed

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## Halfdaft (5/9/19)

I too get the “haven’t you got enough?!?!?!”

The approach I’m taking is spoiling her so that she can’t complain when I spoil myself.

I can hear my wallet weeping as I type this...

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## Arthster (5/9/19)

Halfdaft Customs said:


> I too get the “haven’t you got enough?!?!?!”
> 
> The approach I’m taking is spoiling her so that she can’t complain when I spoil myself.
> 
> I can hear my wallet weeping as I type this...



That's why I'm thinking all my forward purchases will be "on sale" the make up transaction will be a trip to Mr price and then the road house

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## Halfdaft (5/9/19)

Arthster said:


> That's why I'm thinking all my forward purchases will be "on sale" the make up transaction will be a trip to Mr price and then the road house



Luckily my fiancé can be calmed for a short time with food, I always make sure to make a stop on the way home and grab her something

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## Arthster (5/9/19)

I talk allot of crap. My wife is actually pretty supportive as of late. as long as I don't buy for the sake of buying. 

old mod starts looking shody or the puppy pulled the USB port out of the PCB then all good.

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## Silver (5/9/19)

Oh this is a marvellous thread @Christos !
Thank you
I'll be watching and looking for tips.

I dont buy much vape gear. Actually this year I think I bought one mod, a tank (although I think that was the Dvarw last year, cant remember) and some juice here and there when I visit vape shops which is not that often.

For me, the issue is my time. This is my hobby, not my full time work, so trying to work on ECIGSSA alongside my normal work is hard enough - but when VapeCon comes around I basically go onto another planet for about 3 months and only emerge after VapeCon.

I am lucky that I can focus and concentrate hard for long periods of time. So I can get things done.

But my dear wife gets very upset with me because there will be weeks where she only sees me for dinner, then I go back into the VapeCon "nerve centre". And the thing is I understand her fully. But what am I supposed to do? This year we tried spreading the load amongst a few more people and hiring additional help. It worked quite well but things still need to be checked and somehow I find myself still being totally absorbed. There really is a heck of a lot of important things that need to be done right for this event to happen the way it does. 

So now I am trying to spend more time with the family - but there's still a lot of VapeCon Post Event things that need to get done.... 

I'm still in the "dogbox" and trying to negotiate myself out. I hope this time round it will be smooth but it's not looking too good at the moment I must admit.

It's a real problem - and while I absolutely love the event and am so passionate about it - I need to work on this issue going forward...

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## Arthster (5/9/19)

Silver said:


> Oh this is a marvellous thread @Christos !
> Thank you
> I'll be watching and looking for tips.
> 
> ...



I have the same problem while working and trying to start a side business. and traveling from Roodepoort to Sandton and back again.

I have made the choice to move my machine and my wifes desk into an unusaded section of the lounge. that way she can prepare her classes work for the next day and I can work on my bussiness and we are still semi spending time together and still get to watch a bit of tv. yes the house looks a little K@k, especially when I am working on a project but hey it works.

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## Rob Fisher (5/9/19)

Luckily my wife has given up and has gotten used to the courier coming to deliver parcels a few times a week... but booking a cruise to the Arctic Circle to visit Iceland, Norway, and a few other counties towards the end of the month certainly helps!

She is so very happy that I gave up smoking and Vaping has changed my life for the better... she would like me to give up vaping but knows that is very unlikely to happen and accepts that!

And a few days away for VapeCon doesn't hassle her much... 

But all that being said I'm going to make a concerted effort to stop being a "Monkey see Monkey want"!

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## Silver (5/9/19)

Arthster said:


> I have the same problem while working and trying to start a side business. and traveling from Roodepoort to Sandton and back again.
> 
> I have made the choice to move my machine and my wifes desk into an unusaded section of the lounge. that way she can prepare her classes work for the next day and I can work on my bussiness and we are still semi spending time together and still get to watch a bit of tv. yes the house looks a little K@k, especially when I am working on a project but hey it works.



Thanks @Arthster 
That's a great idea - 

However, I suppose you are the type of person that can work in and amongst other noise and distractions. Unfortunately, I can't. 

I need silence and no distractions. If there's even a mild hoover, TV or similar noise going on in the background it drives me crazy. I need silence. I even have very strong earmuffs that go on occasionally to block out any ambient noise. I've been like that my whole life throughout my studies and work. I found it very hard to work in an open plan corporate office type setup. Thankfully I work for myself now and have been for over a decade - and I have a (fairly) quiet office. I also find it very difficult to "multitask".

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## Arthster (5/9/19)

Rob Fisher said:


> Luckily my wife has given up and has gotten used to the courier coming to deliver parcels a few times a week... but booking a cruise to the Arctic Circle to visit Iceland, Norway, and a few other counties towards the end of the month certainly helps!
> 
> She is so very happy that I gave up smoking and Vaping has changed my life for the better... she would like me to give up vaping but knows that is very unlikely to happen and accepts that!
> 
> ...



Well that's what I did as well. sold the 40 odd mods and 50 odd tanks and RDA' I had one mod for a dripper and one for a tank. which ever one died gets replaced and that's how it goes. much less maintenance and you don't need to carry a box of mods and crates of tanks when you go somewhere. You don't have that random tank that got forgotten somewhere and started to grow hair in funny places. life becomes much simpler. 

Sure I still have a few tanks and things that I really like but they are more on display and kept for sentimental reasons then anything else.

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## Arthster (5/9/19)

Silver said:


> Thanks @Arthster
> That's a great idea -
> 
> However, I suppose you are the type of person that can work in and amongst other noise and distractions. Unfortunately, I can't.
> ...



Ok yeah my idea will most likley not be the best solution for you. I am rather fortunate that I don't really mind noise around me while working Almost my entire career as been in open plan offices, so I am use to it. I find it fairly easy to work listen and talk at the same time, so that makes our combined office work but from what you explained that will definitely drive you insane,

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## Christos (5/9/19)

Arthster said:


> I have the same problem while working and trying to start a side business. and traveling from Roodepoort to Sandton and back again.
> 
> I have made the choice to move my machine and my wifes desk into an unusaded section of the lounge. that way she can prepare her classes work for the next day and I can work on my bussiness and we are still semi spending time together and still get to watch a bit of tv. yes the house looks a little K@k, especially when I am working on a project but hey it works.


I did try moving my office upstairs, which subsequently wasnt for company but because I was closer to the fireplace but My wifes office doesnt have an aircon unit so i moved back to my downstairs office with aircon. I was going to install an AC upstairs in her office but the effort was too much for me!

Interestingly, my wife always tells me it doesnt matter if i work from home or at an office because she never sees me or disturbs me (much) when I work from home.
She does however appreciate, even though the bed is empty till 2 or 3AM, that I am home at least!

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## acorn (5/9/19)

Stick to the same shape, colour and dimensions of your mods and atties, few non- vapers can distinguish the differences.

She: " Is that a new mod I see...?"
Me: " Nah, this old thing...?"

Actually my wife is very supportive and I try to spoil both ways which usually have the desired effect, I have my hobby and she have hers... 

Sent from my SNE-LX2 using Tapatalk

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## Mo_MZ (5/9/19)

brilliant thread

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## zadiac (6/9/19)

Husband to wife: "I will stop buying vape gear when you stop buying unnecessary clothes and shoes."

End of conversation. Wife mad. Life sucks. Live with it.

I hear all the time people say: "Happy wife, happy life"

In my case: "No wife, happy life".

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## Hooked (6/9/19)

These are practical and easy to implement and they would be sure to win over any angry wife. I suggest that you do them for a few weeks pre-and-post VapeCon - not just for one day!


*A comment*
If your wife resents your spending one or two days at VapeCon, may I say that *she* has a problem. Everyone is entitled to me-time, even in a marriage, or should I say, especially in a marriage.

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## Hooked (6/9/19)

Another suggestion:

Throughout your life, not just at VapeCon, each partner should be allowed X amount to spend on themselves as they wish, with no judgement from the other partner.

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## Hooked (6/9/19)

Silver said:


> Oh this is a marvellous thread @Christos !
> Thank you
> I'll be watching and looking for tips.
> 
> ...



@Silver I hear you when you say that everything needs to be checked. Sometimes I find that just doing it myself is actually quicker than asking someone else to do it, then having to check it, then having to contact them about this and that etc. etc.

Take the family on holiday after VapeCon (and when you've wrapped up everything) and explain to your wife that the holiday is to compensate for the lost family time.

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## Silver (6/9/19)

Hooked said:


> @Silver I hear you when you say that everything needs to be checked. Sometimes I find that just doing it myself is actually quicker than asking someone else to do it, then having to check it, then having to contact them about this and that etc. etc.
> 
> Take the family on holiday after VapeCon (and when you've wrapped up everything) and explain to your wife that the holiday is to compensate for the lost family time.



You are right @Hooked and that is a good idea

We have started talking about it already. Just need to find the right place and the right time. I had a good day yesterday, spent the whole afternoon playing with wife and little one at the club field. We had a lot of fun. So things are moving in the right direction at least...

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## Hooked (6/9/19)

Christos said:


> So Suggestion #1 and I have heard a lot of friends do this one with great success.
> 
> Spend the same amount on your wife/spouse that you have spent on a mod or a purchase.
> This one I credit to @Petrus as it seems to be working wonders for his relationship but not wonders for his bank account!



@Christos @Petrus 
I agree!!! I had actually suggested this in my post below and then I saw this post, so I deleted my suggestion. 

Pretend that you are Muslim. Muslims are allowed to have more than one wife, *but they have to treat them all the same*. So if the husband buys jewellery for one wife, he has to buy for all of them.

Essentially you have two wives - your woman and your vaping.

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## Hooked (6/9/19)

Cornelius said:


> I tend to get the eye! Or a conversation along the lines of, DON'T YOU HAVE ENOUGH !
> 
> So I have come up with some solutions.
> 1) Vape mail comes to work
> ...



@Cornelius And what will happen the day that your wife finds out the truth? Then it will be worse, because it will be not only the money which you've spent, but the fact that you've lied to her. Once trust has been broken it is extremely difficult to trust again.

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## Hooked (6/9/19)

Rob Fisher said:


> Luckily my wife has given up and has gotten used to the courier coming to deliver parcels a few times a week... but booking a cruise to the Arctic Circle to visit Iceland, Norway, and a few other counties towards the end of the month certainly helps!
> 
> She is so very happy that I gave up smoking and Vaping has changed my life for the better... she would like me to give up vaping but knows that is very unlikely to happen and accepts that!
> 
> ...



@Rob Fisher I've been meaning to ask you when is your trip?


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## Hooked (6/9/19)

Silver said:


> Thanks @Arthster
> That's a great idea -
> 
> However, I suppose you are the type of person that can work in and amongst other noise and distractions. Unfortunately, I can't.
> ...



@Silver I'm the same. I *hate* noise - even the sound of the sea. I often wish that it had an OFF button so that I could just hear the silence once in a while.

When I'm working I often use those silicon ear thingies which swimmers insert into their ears, to muffle sound. Problem is that I forget they're in and then I think I'm going deaf if someone comes to the house and I can't hear them clearly!

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## Cornelius (6/9/19)

Hooked said:


> @Cornelius And what will happen the day that your wife finds out the truth? Then it will be worse, because it will be not only the money which you've spent, but the fact that you've lied to her. Once trust has been broken it is extremely difficult to trust again.


I think you are reading to much into this thread, I think it is meant to be fun. 
I am very happily married. Also wont have the collection of vape gear I have if it was a problem.

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## Arthster (6/9/19)

Cornelius said:


> I think you are reading to much into this thread, I think it is meant to be fun.
> I am very happily married. Also wont have the collection of vape gear I have if it was a problem.



Same here. The misses has my full support in her choices and I have hers.


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## Rob Fisher (6/9/19)

Hooked said:


> @Rob Fisher I've been meaning to ask you when is your trip?



@Hooked we fly on the 22nd Sep! Back on the 14th Oct! I am so excited to get onto the Glacier!

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## Halfdaft (6/9/19)

Cornelius said:


> I think you are reading to much into this thread, I think it is meant to be fun.
> I am very happily married. Also wont have the collection of vape gear I have if it was a problem.



Me too. My fiancé often refers to it as the breadwinners rule, as long as the bills are paid there isn’t much of an issue, my money is therefore mine to spend. 

Though I think she enjoys the self inflicted guilt because she gets spoiled.

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## Christos (6/9/19)

Hooked said:


> @Christos @Petrus
> I agree!!! I had actually suggested this in my post below and then I saw this post, so I deleted my suggestion.
> 
> Pretend that you are Muslim. Muslims are allowed to have more than one wife, *but they have to treat them all the same*. So if the husband buys jewellery for one wife, he has to buy for all of them.
> ...


My wife and I have a very open relationship. She didnt mind me being at VapeCon, except for 1 rule. I can come homw whenever I please as long as I dont ask for dinner after 7PM which was fine because Rob bought me dinner  

As for spending, I have had many hobbies and very expensive ones and my wife doesnt bother me as the bills are always paid and the fridge and pantry are always stocked and majority of my spending is actually on my child. IF my childs needs were not met then I would myself say there was a problem but I dont have half the issues people have with their wives as we are both working together towards a common goal etc.

That being said, I need to buy my wife a new Ipad

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## Christos (6/9/19)

Hooked said:


> These are practical and easy to implement and they would be sure to win over any angry wife. I suggest that you do them for a few weeks pre-and-post VapeCon - not just for one day!
> 
> 
> *A comment*
> ...


What about the man who bought a Dishwasher 
P.S. The complaining stopped shortly thereafter.

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## vicTor (7/9/19)

my trick is as follows, since I buy mostly used items I pay the person by EFT

in payment description I use "Speedy Auto Electrician"

only complaining I get is "this car is costing us too much !"

I retort with a "yes dear" as I take a nice long drag on my newly aquired atty

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