# What to do... Advice needed



## n00b13 (17/2/16)

Hi guys

This might be very off-topic for a vape forum, but I need some advice and opinion from an outsider. 

My wife is thinking of resigning at her work, out of pure desperation. She has been promoted extremely well in the 5 or so years she has been employed. She holds a top level management position (although she doesn't exactly earn in that price bracket). She fulfills 2 positions, literally does not even get time for a toilet break, and her boss absolutely loves to scream and belittle everyone. There has been 5 resignations in the past 3 weeks so clearly it cannot be her. 

When she gets home we have 2 kids, youngest being 8 months that requires full attention. She is in bed by 8 and gets roughly a half nights sleep in. We barely have a relationship as we barely spend any time together, and she is extremely negative about life (with good reason), but she is actually a very passionate and warm person. I don't know her like this. 

She cannot exactly hunt for a new job as she has a company car and her every move is being tracked. She now wants to resign and start looking for something else. This means she will not have a car, and logistically it's impossible for us to share a vehicle. This also means no income until she finds something else. 
We have enough savings to carry her salary for about 2 -3 months, but if she doesn't get anything by then, were pretty much screwed. Bond to pay, kids to feed... I'm sure you know the drill

I want to be supportive of her decision but my fear of not getting a job in time is really big, so I've been avoiding the topic a bit. 

What would you guys do on a similar situation?


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## DaveH (17/2/16)

Hi, this is my opinion, she (your wife) should *not resign* until she has another job.

_"She cannot exactly hunt for a new job as she has a company car and her every move is being tracked". - *Find a way, *_and get another job first.

If the boss threatens her in any way - then threaten him back legally. It may cost you a few rands but she will get some breathing space.

Dave

Reactions: Like 1


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## n00b13 (17/2/16)

DaveH said:


> Hi, this is my opinion, she (your wife) should *not resign* until she has another job.
> 
> _"She cannot exactly hunt for a new job as she has a company car and her every move is being tracked". - *Find a way, *_and get another job first.
> 
> ...


Thanks Dave

I completely agree, but she is so emotional and broken at this point and my biggest fear is that she gets a weak moment when things get too much. 

It's been going on for months, and each day is taking its toll. A person can only take so much and be strong for so long.
She has been working herself to the bone, did not even have a full month of maternity leave, and was on duty telephonically when our son was one day old. She dedicated her life to them and still it's not good enough. Working from home for 3 weeks and then went back to the office as she could not cope with the load from home. 

So in short, I agree that she has to find something else first. I don't like taking big risks and reality scares the crisp out of me. How do I keep her level-headed in circumstances I would not be able to cope with myself?

And it's difficult to match her current salary since she has no formal qualifications, which makes it difficult to get a foot in the door to prove yourself. I saying that, reduced income is better than no income


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## rogue zombie (17/2/16)

Get her Cv out there as quick as possible - you'd be surprised how far experience gets you.

I am also a very skeptical and negative person, so I would plan for the worst - so look at your budget as if you were the only income earner (just in case).

Be there for her as difficult as it may be... It will make your bond stronger in the long run.

Sorry I don't really know what more to suggest.

Reactions: Like 2


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## DaveH (17/2/16)

I do understand what you are saying and it can be quite traumatic changing employers.

Being *reasonably happy* at work is "priceless" and well worth a reduced salary. Being unhappy at work can cause health issues which no amount of money can cure.
Your wife should start tomorrow looking for another job. 
What is her boss going to do, scream and shout - he already does that. Your wife should write everything down he says (date & time) when he bullies her, (a witness would be good), then report him.

Dave

Reactions: Like 1


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## shaunnadan (17/2/16)

yoh! That's a hard one to think about.... 

If she's not being treated well at work then she needs to go, being miserable for the better part of your day starts to do weird things to your body and you start to manifest physical ailments. Depression being the quickest to kick in and it take its toll on a family household. 

Quitting will be a huge refreshing change for all but the drive home.... Then the panic and stress of looking for a job starts. When it doesn't come immediately then "you" are the reason she quit and things would have been better had she stayed. Frustration and anger follow which is very difficult to repair. 

My suggestion is that as the man of the house you need to step up! Take charge and control. If there is anything you can do to lighten her load then do it. Learn how to cook and clean if you must and be supportive. Always reassure her that every thing will be ok. 

Perhaps dedicate some time towards her cv. Look at a clean and professional formatting. Find some padding (don't lie) if your wife has the time then enrol in some free web based courses. It may not carry the same weight as a fully registered institution but it does help. 

Assist by scoping all places for vacancies if she's too busy, use her gmail account (don't forward from your email, it seems dodgy) 

If she gets a call for an interview then she can ask the company to do a prelim interview telephonically. Many companies are willing to accept this to get the basics info they need before shortlisting.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## gertvanjoe (17/2/16)

I tend to agree with the others . My wife got retrenched a year ago and it's no fun being the only salary . We decided together that she is going to follow her passion and study to become a teacher so currently she is out of the job market. 

Look for a job ASAP , but keep the one you have, even if she has to grow hair on her teeth ( easier said than done I suppose )

But yes , many nights ( months ) spent working online / looking for more jobs online , this I can tell you . I know the path, it's possible to survive it though. But whatever you decide, *her happiness comes first*. Sad thing is sometimes no money = no happy ( and I'm not talking about materialistic views here, I'm talking about which bill you pay and which one not ). Now in no means am I aware of your financial situation, maybe you have a good buffer, if that's the case : hell yes, where does she sign

Reactions: Like 1


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## n00b13 (17/2/16)

shaunnadan said:


> yoh! That's a hard one to think about....
> 
> If she's not being treated well at work then she needs to go, being miserable for the better part of your day starts to do weird things to your body and you start to manifest physical ailments. Depression being the quickest to kick in and it take its toll on a family household.
> 
> ...


Thank you Shaun. 
I personally feel that she has already hit some level of depression. Being an extremely strong and independent woman, she does refuse to admit it or to get some help. But that is an entire topic on it's own and not part of my focus. If she can be happy for 8 hours of the day, I can keep up the happiness for the hour we might spend together.
I am working on her CV now, as she barely has time to do that. Her Unisa plans were shelved as there is simply no time at the moment. Having completed my BsC part time, we know how much time and effort it takes.


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## n00b13 (17/2/16)

gertvanjoe said:


> I tend to agree with the others . My wife got retrenched a year ago and it's no fun being the only salary . We decided together that she is going to follow her passion and study to become a teacher so currently she is out of the job market.
> 
> Look for a job ASAP , but keep the one you have, even if she has to grow hair on her teeth ( easier said than done I suppose )
> 
> But yes , many nights ( months ) spent working online / looking for more jobs online , this I can tell you . I know the path, it's possible to survive it though. But whatever you decide, *her happiness comes first*. Sad thing is sometimes no money = no happy ( and I'm not talking about materialistic views here, I'm talking about which bill you pay and which one not ). Now in no means am I aware of your financial situation, maybe you have a good buffer, if that's the case : hell yes, where does she sign


This is exactly my biggest fear. Although I earn double her salary (GROSS), she does bring in 50% of the NETT household income. We both have some savings and equities we could dispose of, but that is obviously a last resort and will only last so long.
I do think you have hit the nail on the head with her happiness coming first, and that is why I am here looking for objective views. But we will not be able to cover our bills without her salary. 
I guess I am just looking for some reassurance on whether I will be doing the right thing by asking her to hold out until we can find something else, despite the circumstances

Reactions: Can relate 2


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