#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness
- Thread starter brotiform
- Start date
So I took a break from work to get my head straight. Surprisingly it worked rather well.
Been seriously job hunting the last few months. Had one interview go really well, only for the process to drag on and then they told me management was going to focus elsewhere.
1 down.
Another one, similar story. Promising interview, positive feedback. Drags on only to be told that they are redefining the scope of the project, it will take a couple of months.
2 down.
Went last week for another interview. The HR person commented how rare and refreshing it is to have an interviewee be so open and honest. Went through a lot of stuff in the chat and drove home air punching the whole way.
I should tell you now, we've had a rough couple of years and my debt spiraled out of control. It was reckless and stupid. I've now been under debt counseling for over a year and have not missed a payment. I told them this in the interview (they would've found out during the background check anyway)
Got a phone call today the manager that interviewed me WANTS me on the team.,but... 80% of their clients are in the financial industry. Those are the clients I would have been working with.
And they are the clients most scared (for justifiable reason) of compromised employees and contractors.
****. I am so down right now, watching my savings deplete, but I had to stop working for mental health reasons. For 12 years I've been lead and mostly sole developer on largish BI installations while trying to come to terms with many personal issues. The combined stress was just too much.
Now that in ready to go again, my past errors are working against me,even though I've tried fixing them, it's not enough.
Enough whining about my self inflicted woes, I just needed to vent.
C
Been seriously job hunting the last few months. Had one interview go really well, only for the process to drag on and then they told me management was going to focus elsewhere.
1 down.
Another one, similar story. Promising interview, positive feedback. Drags on only to be told that they are redefining the scope of the project, it will take a couple of months.
2 down.
Went last week for another interview. The HR person commented how rare and refreshing it is to have an interviewee be so open and honest. Went through a lot of stuff in the chat and drove home air punching the whole way.
I should tell you now, we've had a rough couple of years and my debt spiraled out of control. It was reckless and stupid. I've now been under debt counseling for over a year and have not missed a payment. I told them this in the interview (they would've found out during the background check anyway)
Got a phone call today the manager that interviewed me WANTS me on the team.,but... 80% of their clients are in the financial industry. Those are the clients I would have been working with.
And they are the clients most scared (for justifiable reason) of compromised employees and contractors.
****. I am so down right now, watching my savings deplete, but I had to stop working for mental health reasons. For 12 years I've been lead and mostly sole developer on largish BI installations while trying to come to terms with many personal issues. The combined stress was just too much.
Now that in ready to go again, my past errors are working against me,even though I've tried fixing them, it's not enough.
Enough whining about my self inflicted woes, I just needed to vent.
C
Your post resonates with me. I've burnt bridges because of my past mistakes and felt the consequences. My only advice is to try and forgive yourself. You made mistakes. We all do. You've paid the price. Try not to beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself.
Hope things take a turn for the better. We're all rooting for you!
Hope things take a turn for the better. We're all rooting for you!
Bud, firstly, it's not whining it is venting and exactly what this thread and our WhatsApp group are for
Secondly, like has been said already, you need to accept the past, correct what you can, learn what you can from it, forgive yourself and move forward as positively as possible. It sounds like you are mostly doing this, so this is merely a blip on the radar in moving forward and finding your way again, keep at it!What BI systems have you worked on before or are certified in?
I work on the mssql stack. Mostly the data moving and data shaping parts(etl) . I leave the report making for people that make pretty stuff.Bud, firstly, it's not whining it is venting and exactly what this thread and our WhatsApp group are for
What BI systems have you worked on before or are certified in?
Going to try get myself out there and at least get some micro jobs for the short term. Writing, database, programming, etc. Fingers crossed.
Cool, we us SQL as our main ERP database as well as for our planning, reporting, etc. databases. Send me a PM and I can get your CV if anything opens up or if I hear of anything...
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I somehow managed to stumble onto this thread this morning.
Been spending most my time reading through everyone's messages.
Firstly I think it's amazing that there's so much support and then secondly, I don't know if I even have the right to comment here. Like I'm not worthy of.
I'm not going to say too much. I'm still in denial I think.
Depression can't exist in my life. My mother suffered from depression and after a few attempts managed to end it all when I was 12.
I am not my mother.
I cannot have depression.
My doctor diagnosed me with extreme depression and anxiety disorder a week ago. Been 5 days of pills and I am not feeling any better.
Have to go back next Friday.
Medical aid will only put my meds on chronic if I get evaluated by a pshyciatrist.
I am not crazy.
I am not my mother.
Been spending most my time reading through everyone's messages.
Firstly I think it's amazing that there's so much support and then secondly, I don't know if I even have the right to comment here. Like I'm not worthy of.
I'm not going to say too much. I'm still in denial I think.
Depression can't exist in my life. My mother suffered from depression and after a few attempts managed to end it all when I was 12.
I am not my mother.
I cannot have depression.
My doctor diagnosed me with extreme depression and anxiety disorder a week ago. Been 5 days of pills and I am not feeling any better.
Have to go back next Friday.
Medical aid will only put my meds on chronic if I get evaluated by a pshyciatrist.
I am not crazy.
I am not my mother.
Welcome @QKNatasha
You are more than worthy to comment, in fact, any one is as we all experience life differently. You are right about two things, you are not crazy and you are not your mother, even if you are diagnosed with depression. Depression does not define you even though it is a part of who you are and have become. Seek help, seek guidance, speak up, vent, etc. but do not deny or hide it. And always remember, chin up, eyes forward and one foot in front of the other...
You are not crazy.
You are not your mother.
Your brain just works slightly differently. Meds can take a few weeks to get up to level in your blood stream.
Try not to make any bad decisions (I have a lot of experience there)
Meds can help in most cases.
The first round of medicine quite often is the the right one. Tell your doctor if it's not working. Stick with it. It could be the third or 10th combination that works for you.
Don't give up.
You are not your mother.
You are not crazy.
You are a beautiful, wonderful and unique human being.
You do have the strength.
There is strength in numbers.
You have found the numbers here.
You are!
Everything craigb said here is absolutely true! Depression can be dealt with. It's tough as hell but I've found over the years that facing it head on, following up with doctors and a handful of hood people all help tremendously
Then there are groups like this. Good people all coming together to be there for others also facing some hurdles.
You are not crazy!
You are not your mother!
You've proven that already by chatting to a doc and to us here.
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Slight typo... First round of meds often ISN'T the right combo, but keep trying.
It's OK to cry.
Shine on you crazy diamonds!
It's OK to cry.
Shine on you crazy diamonds!
Welcome @QKNatasha
Please also feel free to join our WhatsApp group. Great little group we have here. I also suffer from severe anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, some obsessive compulsive personality disorder and a small helping of borderline personality disorder. I think in many ways I'm the most fckup guy in this group. lol
Please also feel free to join our WhatsApp group. Great little group we have here. I also suffer from severe anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, some obsessive compulsive personality disorder and a small helping of borderline personality disorder. I think in many ways I'm the most fckup guy in this group. lol
I too have obsessive compulsive behaviour. I read somewhere that you self mutilate... I'm a sadomasochist so can jump on that boat of yours too if you would allow me.
How do I join your WhatsApp group.
6 questionnaires?
A bake off?
Jump through hoops?
Yes, nausea is a normal reaction
@QKNatasha, while I can't understand what you're feeling with regards to your diagnosis I can tell you that I was diagnosed with anxiety 6 years ago. It was weird because I my family had no history of the illness... or so I thought.
As I've journeyed through my anxiety (and journeyed with my wife through her depression) I've noticed that my father probably has both. He is 71 years old and his life is a mess. I can't help but wonder how his life would be different and how much I could have learnt from his illness(es) had he been diagnosed earlier in life.
I don't know how long ago you lost your mom but I can assure you that the treatments and available help for depression and other mental illnesses is far more readily available and the understanding of the medication used to treat it is more advanced. The stigma attached to mental illness is also on it's way out (not quickly enough though).
You're NOT your mother.
Your diagnosis is NOT your mother's diagnosis.
Your prognosis is NOT your mother's prognosis.
You are also going into this aware of what depression can do to someone. This may cause fear and may seem crippling at the moment but you have a way better chance of beating this than she did and you will. One. Day. At. A. Time.
As I've journeyed through my anxiety (and journeyed with my wife through her depression) I've noticed that my father probably has both. He is 71 years old and his life is a mess. I can't help but wonder how his life would be different and how much I could have learnt from his illness(es) had he been diagnosed earlier in life.
I don't know how long ago you lost your mom but I can assure you that the treatments and available help for depression and other mental illnesses is far more readily available and the understanding of the medication used to treat it is more advanced. The stigma attached to mental illness is also on it's way out (not quickly enough though).
You're NOT your mother.
Your diagnosis is NOT your mother's diagnosis.
Your prognosis is NOT your mother's prognosis.
You are also going into this aware of what depression can do to someone. This may cause fear and may seem crippling at the moment but you have a way better chance of beating this than she did and you will. One. Day. At. A. Time.
In for the bake off! But I don't bake, I just eat
PM me your cell number and I'll add you on the WhatsApp group.
This is really hitting hard at the moment...
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/20/arts/music/chester-bennington-linkin-park-dead.html
His voice in this song...
...has been a sort of anthem for me the last 18 months, so much so that I had the words let it go tattoo'd on my left wrist as a daily reminder...
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/20/arts/music/chester-bennington-linkin-park-dead.html
His voice in this song...
...has been a sort of anthem for me the last 18 months, so much so that I had the words let it go tattoo'd on my left wrist as a daily reminder...
In for the bake off! But I don't bake, I just eat
I suck at baking.
You'd probably get poisoned.
I wouldn't chance it if I were you.
Will message you now.
Thanks so much..
Oh yes. Love the tattoo.
One of the problems with having a mental condition and vaping is, one tends to "comfort spend" to feel good. So, we buy vaping gear to get that dopamine rush, the feeling of control and satisfaction. It's a "rabbit hole."
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I have been there and done that, with many hobbies, not just vaping. I am getting it under control though, learning to enjoy what I have and not chase the next best thing that is always the next best thing for a few weeks before the next next best thing arrives...
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