#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

[Feliks Karp]

Regardless of what anyone is telling you or what inspirational messages they send you. It's a demon only you can fight and must ultimately defeat alone.

Think of it more as you being the hero in your quest, your support structures; friends, family, strangers (and yes medication) are there to help you stay up when times get overwhelming and you need that push - which is why I absolutely implore any one who is on medication to also get a therapist - but yes you have to be the one who "slays the beast", think of everyone else as your fellowship or band of merry-men.

 

[Neuk]

Hi there Felix Karl. Yes I agree, everyone in society needs a life coach these days. If you cannot find one, and you can afford it, see a good psychologist.

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I am not sure that I agree entirely but I do acknowledge the benefits of seeing a professional like a psychiatrist, life coach or mentor.

 

[Neuk]

Not to rain on this thread at all, but what I'm learning is that late at night, all alone with your thoughts and emotions, you stand alone I the darkness. Regardless of what anyone is telling you or what inspirational messages they send you. It's a demon only you can fight and must ultimately defeat alone. Luckily I've found something to fill the emptiness inside temporarily, even though it's probably not the healthiest or safest option. Just got tired of begging other people for acceptance and understanding.

No rain at all, I learnt this first hand when separating from my ex wife last year and then going through the divorce. I had all the help in the world from family, friends and my psychiatrist but there was a lot that I had to deal with and get through on my own. Sometimes I got my arse in gear, hit the gym, went to grab some coffee, went for a run, went to the shops, went for a run, etc. and sometimes I sat on the couch with sweets and chocolates balling my eyes out watching TV.

 

[Viper_SA]

I was born alone, I'll die alone. Doomed to walk in darkness for all my days, catching only glimpses of light, but never walking in the light.
Just when I think the might be light at the end of the tunnel, life throws me a curveball. I just can't t seem to win.

 

[Waine]

I was born alone, I'll die alone. Doomed to walk in darkness for all my days, catching only glimpses of light, but never walking in the light.
Just when I think the might be light at the end of the tunnel, life throws me a curveball. I just can't t seem to win.

Hey there @Viper_SA

The truth is that everyone has problems and challenges in life. Everyone! No one is “doomed to walk in darkness”. You just feel this way. Like everything in your life is going wrong. These feelings are very normal in society. The trick is not to worry.

What follows is my mantra that I live by. I have this in my notes on my phone, and I read it daily for strength. It is a work in progress, but try it.

For once in my life I am applying this:

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength" ~ Leo Buscaglia

"Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow" ~ Swedish Proverb

Most of the things I worry about never happen.

I ask myself:

"How many of the things I feared would happen in my life did actually happen?"

Answer: "Very few. And the very few ones that actually happened were mostly not as PAINFUL or TERRIBLE as I had expected.

My worries are MOST OFTEN only "MONSTERS" I build in my OWN mind.

When in a situation that triggers worry ask:

"Honestly and realistically WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN TO me?

STOP GUESSING what is on SOMEONE ELSES mind. You are often wrong.

ASK people what you WANT to ask.

When I cannot THINK STRAIGHT ...... say in my mind....

"No, no, we are not going to think about this now. I will think this issue through when I know my mind will work much better."

PEOPLE ARE NOT THINKING OF ME and what I do as much as I may think. They are too busy thinking of what OTHERS think of them. And what is CLOSEST TO THEIR HEARTS — Family, work, friends & pets.

Exercise. Get sunlight during the day at the office. Drink lots of purified water.

LET YOUR WORRY OUT INTO THE LIGHT

Talk about your BIG worry with someone close, or even not so close, but who you can trust.

VENT, let them listen....

Let the other person ground you and give a practical, useful perspective.

No one to talk to?

Journal!

SPEND TIME IN THE PRESENT MOMENT

Breathe! Become aware of your breathing.

SLOW DOWN

Do what you are doing, but slower. Move, talk, eat, ride......SLOWER. Then become AWARE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND ME.

DISRUPT AND RECONNECT

WORRY.....Shout in head: STOP....re connect with present. Focus 100% on surroundings. Feel, see, smell, hear, sense it on skin. Bring your mind to the present.

REFOCUS ON SMALL STEP I CAN TAKE TO MOVE FORWARD

"What is one small step I can take now to start improving the situation?

Focus on taking that small step forward, then another, then another....

And remember:

"Everything is OK, RIGHT NOW".

Not perfect, but OK — right now.









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[Raindance]

@Viper_SA, Are you alright brother? Your silence after those words has me worried.

 

[Neuk]

I was born alone, I'll die alone. Doomed to walk in darkness for all my days, catching only glimpses of light, but never walking in the light.
Just when I think the might be light at the end of the tunnel, life throws me a curveball. I just can't t seem to win.

I only saw this now, is everything OK @Viper_SA?

 

[Neuk]

Hey there @Viper_SA

The truth is that everyone has problems and challenges in life. Everyone! No one is “doomed to walk in darkness”. You just feel this way. Like everything in your life is going wrong. These feelings are very normal in society. The trick is not to worry.

What follows is my mantra that I live by. I have this in my notes on my phone, and I read it daily for strength. It is a work in progress, but try it.

For once in my life I am applying this:

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength" ~ Leo Buscaglia

"Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow" ~ Swedish Proverb

Most of the things I worry about never happen.

I ask myself:

"How many of the things I feared would happen in my life did actually happen?"

Answer: "Very few. And the very few ones that actually happened were mostly not as PAINFUL or TERRIBLE as I had expected.

My worries are MOST OFTEN only "MONSTERS" I build in my OWN mind.

When in a situation that triggers worry ask:

"Honestly and realistically WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN TO me?

STOP GUESSING what is on SOMEONE ELSES mind. You are often wrong.

ASK people what you WANT to ask.

When I cannot THINK STRAIGHT ...... say in my mind....

"No, no, we are not going to think about this now. I will think this issue through when I know my mind will work much better."

PEOPLE ARE NOT THINKING OF ME and what I do as much as I may think. They are too busy thinking of what OTHERS think of them. And what is CLOSEST TO THEIR HEARTS — Family, work, friends & pets.

Exercise. Get sunlight during the day at the office. Drink lots of purified water.

LET YOUR WORRY OUT INTO THE LIGHT

Talk about your BIG worry with someone close, or even not so close, but who you can trust.

VENT, let them listen....

Let the other person ground you and give a practical, useful perspective.

No one to talk to?

Journal!

SPEND TIME IN THE PRESENT MOMENT

Breathe! Become aware of your breathing.

SLOW DOWN

Do what you are doing, but slower. Move, talk, eat, ride......SLOWER. Then become AWARE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND ME.

DISRUPT AND RECONNECT

WORRY.....Shout in head: STOP....re connect with present. Focus 100% on surroundings. Feel, see, smell, hear, sense it on skin. Bring your mind to the present.

REFOCUS ON SMALL STEP I CAN TAKE TO MOVE FORWARD

"What is one small step I can take now to start improving the situation?

Focus on taking that small step forward, then another, then another....

And remember:

"Everything is OK, RIGHT NOW".

Not perfect, but OK — right now.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Some great advice @Waine

 

[Viper_SA]

Yeah guys, still kicking. Just been very hectic lately. My mom is very ill and been in hospital the last two weeks. 1st they found out her eczema is some incurable virus, her face looks real bad. Now the virus, or a mild stroke, has her in a wheelchair. I've been hanging on for dear life and my colleagues are supporting me 100%. Had a slight scare myself last week, just passed out at work and no one could wake me up for like 10 minutes. Hopefully tomorrow CT scan will reveal whether it was a stroke or the work of the virus. Apparently some new new virus FROM Australia carried by rats and starts presenting as eczema or shingles.

Been battling my own emotions, because suddenly my ***** sister and her kids are all concerned after not giving a crap for over 2 years. The freaking prodigal daughter and her offspring.... Guess I'm just tired of being the good son.

Last night I did Crystal met for the first time, what a disappointment. Nowhere near as good as blow. But the girl was hot as hell, so that made up for the kak high.

Probably more than anyone wanted to know, but that what I've been up to. Screwing around and taking drugs. Life's too short to sit at home and watch series. Die with memories, not dreams. My new motto. Teasers has also gotten a considerable cash injection since I started getting up to my old tricks again. I never vape anymore and smoke like a chimney.

All in all, I've been worse, but thanks for the concern.

 

[Raindance]

This past Friday, I attended the funeral of a friend of mine. He literally drank himself to death. Two years older than me he faced the same problem so many of us face. Loneliness. Its a bugger of note.

We all deal with this in different ways, some with alcohol, some turn to the gym. It is a battle I also face day to day and despite having a grownup daughter living with me, I am worried what will happen the day she moves out. She spent the last four days at some music festival in Darling which brought this dilemma in sharp focus. An empty house sucks!

One thing I do know is that seeking a temporary false high to lessen the emptiness just magnifies it after it passes. Making the sinkhole only deeper.

I can not advise anyone what to do, but I can assure you drugs and alcohol are the things not to do.

Just thought I'd leave this here... Regards

 

[Feliks Karp]

The problem with loneliness is that we often build a narrative around it - I am lonely because this happens or that doesn't happen. Although our feelings are valid and real, most often the narrative is not and we end up creating a reality which is self-feeding. People tend to start develop vulnerable narcissism as a survival mechanism.

How many lonely people actively seek out other people? Go out there, engage, ask the cashier at the pick 'n pay how their day is going. I often find that when people feel lonely it's because they are in fact seeking out a mate, but how are you ever going to connect to a person intimately if you don't go try connect to people in general manner.

Call up a friend (even one you've lost touch with) instead of texting, and ask them how they are, even if you don't have an amazing conversation and don't re-connect (if they're an estranged friend) it's all movement towards not losing your connection to humanity.

Use the time you have to improve yourself; mindfulness, physical activity, diet, all these things help you to feel comfortable by yourself. We are social creatures and feeling connected to the world at large is important, but we need to centre ourselves and create a personality, I also often experience that people who feel deep seeded loneliness often have a wispy sense of self and try to validate through someone else, and the constant failure of doing so ends up further dissociating you from who you are. One of the things I've learned way too late is that it's ok to go do things on my own, I've met some decent people and had some fleeting non-committal interactions with others; but I went in to the world and was part of it. The world isn't coming to you, you have to go to it.

Everyone deserves to be loved. That includes people besides yourself.

As for the self-destructive behavior discussed in this thread, it's a slow death so to me that shows you still have some life in you, go see a cognitive therapist.

 

[Raindance]

The problem with loneliness is that we often build a narrative around it - I am lonely because this happens or that doesn't happen. Although our feelings are valid and real, most often the narrative is not and we end up creating a reality which is self-feeding. People tend to start develop vulnerable narcissism as a survival mechanism.

How many lonely people actively seek out other people? Go out there, engage, ask the cashier at the pick 'n pay how their day is going. I often find that when people feel lonely it's because they are in fact seeking out a mate, but how are you ever going to connect to a person intimately if you don't go try connect to people in general manner.

Call up a friend (even one you've lost touch with) instead of texting, and ask them how they are, even if you don't have an amazing conversation and don't re-connect (if they're an estranged friend) it's all movement towards not losing your connection to humanity.

Use the time you have to improve yourself; mindfulness, physical activity, diet, all these things help you to feel comfortable by yourself. We are social creatures and feeling connected to the world at large is important, but we need to centre ourselves and create a personality, I also often experience that people who feel deep seeded loneliness often have a wispy sense of self and try to validate through someone else, and the constant failure of doing so ends up further dissociating you from who you are. One of the things I've learned way too late is that it's ok to go do things on my own, I've met some decent people and had some fleeting non-committal interactions with others; but I went in to the world and was part of it. The world isn't coming to you, you have to go to it.

Everyone deserves to be loved. That includes people besides yourself.

As for the self-destructive behavior discussed in this thread, it's a slow death so to me that shows you still have some life in you, go see a cognitive therapist.

Interesting and thought provocing perspective Mr. Karp. One worthy of some serious thought and introspection.

Thanks.

 

[Neuk]

One thing I do know is that seeking a temporary false high to lessen the emptiness just magnifies it after it passes. Making the sinkhole only deeper.

I can not advise anyone what to do, but I can assure you drugs and alcohol are the things not to do.

Thanks for sharing @Raindance This would have been my advice to @Viper_SA, I have personally experienced this and seen a close friend go to hell and back due to substance abuse and the belief that it somehow helped him get through his troubles. In short, it didn't and will never...

 

[Neuk]

The problem with loneliness is that we often build a narrative around it - I am lonely because this happens or that doesn't happen. Although our feelings are valid and real, most often the narrative is not and we end up creating a reality which is self-feeding. People tend to start develop vulnerable narcissism as a survival mechanism.

How many lonely people actively seek out other people? Go out there, engage, ask the cashier at the pick 'n pay how their day is going. I often find that when people feel lonely it's because they are in fact seeking out a mate, but how are you ever going to connect to a person intimately if you don't go try connect to people in general manner.

Call up a friend (even one you've lost touch with) instead of texting, and ask them how they are, even if you don't have an amazing conversation and don't re-connect (if they're an estranged friend) it's all movement towards not losing your connection to humanity.

Use the time you have to improve yourself; mindfulness, physical activity, diet, all these things help you to feel comfortable by yourself. We are social creatures and feeling connected to the world at large is important, but we need to centre ourselves and create a personality, I also often experience that people who feel deep seeded loneliness often have a wispy sense of self and try to validate through someone else, and the constant failure of doing so ends up further dissociating you from who you are. One of the things I've learned way too late is that it's ok to go do things on my own, I've met some decent people and had some fleeting non-committal interactions with others; but I went in to the world and was part of it. The world isn't coming to you, you have to go to it.

Everyone deserves to be loved. That includes people besides yourself.

As for the self-destructive behavior discussed in this thread, it's a slow death so to me that shows you still have some life in you, go see a cognitive therapist.

A great share @Feliks Karp During my separation and eventual divorce from my ex wife, I found myself alone and lonely on many, many, many occasions. At times I just let things be as I needed to deal with my struggles in my own way but there were times I forced myself out of bed or off the couch to go training, go for a run, go meet someone for a coffee or a drink, to simply get out and be one with the world. I realised that I needed my alone time but that I needed social time even more, even if there was no direct contact with anyone.

 

[Viper_SA]

I hear what all of you are saying, for the time being I have just accepted that I'm broken, and just like a terminal patient I am allowed to feel like crap at times, and better at other times. I don't always have to be a ray of sunshine. I wish I could be, but I accept the fact that some days I just don't have the energy to get off the couch

 

[Waine]

When you feel like you are in hell, keep going. My thoughts are with you Viper.


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[Neuk]

I hear what all of you are saying, for the time being I have just accepted that I'm broken, and just like a terminal patient I am allowed to feel like crap at times, and better at other times. I don't always have to be a ray of sunshine. I wish I could be, but I accept the fact that some days I just don't have the energy to get off the couch

You are 100% right that you don't always have to be a ray of sunshine but you are 100% wrong that you are broken

 

[craigb]

Been isolating myself, thankfully had the whatsapp group for support.

Figure I was so annoying on the forums at one stage, I need to start getting back to being sociable, cos I missed that. Already feeling better from just a bit of effort.

Once I'm back to work, you guys are gonna be sick of me again

 

[Viper_SA]

You are 100% right that you don't always have to be a ray of sunshine but you are 100% wrong that you are broken

If only you knew how broken I am. I'm really getting tired of struggling to cope and hurting everyone around me with all my mood swings and roller-coaster emotions. Something very small happened to me on Monday, a minor female rejection, and I've been feeling like crap ever since. Even though my brain says it would never have worked anyway, my emotions are so scared of never finding anyone that it clings to this fantasy I built around this person. I Reay don't know how much longer I can keep going. New doctors, new meds, new self help books, new friends, new routines, new hobbies and still this empty hole in my soul stays there. They only prayer I say at night is that I don't deserve to ask for anything because I'm a sinner, but to please be merciful and not let me wake up in the morning.

 

[Waine]

@ViperSA I don’t subscribe to any religion, doctrine or creed. But one thing I do, especially when desperate, I speak to God like a child sincerely speaks to a father. Keep praying simple honest prayers, more so, ask God to show you how to relate to Him, and to heal you, and you will be surprised.

Wow, I feel for you... Keep on rolling, the punches will stop and life will be brighter.


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[Viper_SA]

@Waine the worst punches are the ones we throw at ourselves.

 

[Waine]

True. So throw one less punch at a time. Let go and let God... Just believe in the power of your creator to help you. I have been there...and back... try to Hold on for one more day, Viper...


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[Neuk]

If only you knew how broken I am. I'm really getting tired of struggling to cope and hurting everyone around me with all my mood swings and roller-coaster emotions. Something very small happened to me on Monday, a minor female rejection, and I've been feeling like crap ever since. Even though my brain says it would never have worked anyway, my emotions are so scared of never finding anyone that it clings to this fantasy I built around this person. I Reay don't know how much longer I can keep going. New doctors, new meds, new self help books, new friends, new routines, new hobbies and still this empty hole in my soul stays there. They only prayer I say at night is that I don't deserve to ask for anything because I'm a sinner, but to please be merciful and not let me wake up in the morning.

@Viper_SA - I really wish that there was something that I could say that would take you to the corner you need to turn. I can share my story, I can share my opinion, I can share some advice but this journey is yours and yours alone to make but know that you are not alone. We are all here to at least listen...

And remember...

"You are not alone , you are loved , you matter!"
"Chin up, eyes forward, one foot in front of the other..."

 

[Viper_SA]

Thanks for all the advice and messages guys. I do appreciate it, it just seems pointless to me at this stage. I feel like a bourdon to the people around me having to walk on eggshells all the time and I can feel myself slipping back to where I was a few months ago. I don't want to be there again, too damn scared to be alone in my own house. Things were just looking up, and then I take one wrong decision and it all goes to hell.

 

[Viper_SA]

Let me come clean. This may shock some of you, but I know a lot op people follow this thread and maybe someone will benefit from my mistakes. As you all know, my biggest issue is anxiety, depression, loneliness and not handling disappointments well at all. Well, during this year I got so lonely that I started visiting prostitutes. 1st one in January after being single and sexless for 5 years. I just couldn't bear it any longer that my ex was the last women I had sex with and she ruined my life. Stupid me fell in "love" and got conned out of a few grand eventually. But, I can cross an Indian woman off my bucket list at least. Then about 1.5 months ago I crossed off a Russian woman from my bucket list. She still WhatsApps me to ask how I'm doing and even enquired about my mom's health. A real gem. Then, last week, and subsequently 3 times in 4 days I saw the cutest Afrikaans girl that was visiting Vereeniging from Pretoria. Think I saw too much of her, and we shared so many stories and spent many hours together. Stupid me fell in love again, and now she's back in Pta and barely replying to messages and I actually feel broken hearted, disappointed and rejected. For the few hours you spend with a working girl for the girlfriend experience, it really raises your spirits, but the aftermath is never good. And if any of you thought vaping was expensive, try punting. I probably shouldn't have discussed this in public on an open forum, as it greatly reduces my chances of ever finding a girlfriend that is even remotely linked to this forum, but that is what I had to say.