#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

craigb said:
Been isolating myself, thankfully had the whatsapp group for support.

Figure I was so annoying on the forums at one stage, I need to start getting back to being sociable, cos I missed that. Already feeling better from just a bit of effort.

Once I'm back to work, you guys are gonna be sick of me again :ANGEL::cool::p:D
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Bud, annoying each other is why the ancient Egyptians invented the internet. Don't isolate yourself, you'll find that most people want to help or be there for you, even if it's just in a genial or chilled out way - lock yourself in an echo chamber and all you going to do is feed the narrative with your self-doubt.
If you feel the need to be alone, then use the net while you have access and learn something new or try something you always wanted to, sounds trite, but movement is always a good thing even if it's just movement of your mind.
 
Viper_SA said:
Let me come clean. This may shock some of you, but I know a lot op people follow this thread and maybe someone will benefit from my mistakes. As you all know, my biggest issue is anxiety, depression, loneliness and not handling disappointments well at all. Well, during this year I got so lonely that I started visiting prostitutes. 1st one in January after being single and sexless for 5 years. I just couldn't bear it any longer that my ex was the last women I had sex with and she ruined my life. Stupid me fell in "love" and got conned out of a few grand eventually. But, I can cross an Indian woman off my bucket list at least. Then about 1.5 months ago I crossed off a Russian woman from my bucket list. She still WhatsApps me to ask how I'm doing and even enquired about my mom's health. A real gem. Then, last week, and subsequently 3 times in 4 days I saw the cutest Afrikaans girl that was visiting Vereeniging from Pretoria. Think I saw too much of her, and we shared so many stories and spent many hours together. Stupid me fell in love again, and now she's back in Pta and barely replying to messages and I actually feel broken hearted, disappointed and rejected. For the few hours you spend with a working girl for the girlfriend experience, it really raises your spirits, but the aftermath is never good. And if any of you thought vaping was expensive, try punting. I probably shouldn't have discussed this in public on an open forum, as it greatly reduces my chances of ever finding a girlfriend that is even remotely linked to this forum, but that is what I had to say.
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I'm going to try parse this through my own perspective and experience...

Your brain is messing with your head. It's confusing lust with love, high with happy. Your brain can, in part, be contemplated as an entity completely separate to the rest of your consciousness and persona. There is a malicious part of it (its in my head too) that is intent on pushing dark clouds over the rest of your perception.

Transactional entertainment (girls, narcotics, other forms of retail therapy) may have a justified place in your world, but don't get attached to it. It is by definition transient. Some people will judge your actions. Let them. Ignore them. Don't judge yourself too harshly either. If it genuinely makes you feel better about yourself, so be it. If it doesn't, then ask why you are doing it to yourself if you don't like it. Why are you punishing yourself. If you do enjoy it, just please be safe and responsible about it. Be aware that you are participating in high risk behavior.

You have both directly and indirectly said one of your main problems is loneliness. I can't really provide guidance in that regard, but do consider that if we cannot be our own best friend, how can we expect others to be companionable? (wow, that sounds so cheesey, I retched a little, doesn't make it less true though)

In terms of the depression and anxiety, I cannot suggest more than what you are already doing, trying to find a medical professional to assist. These are unfortunately probably biological and/or some form of psychological wiring that need medicinal and therapeutic assistance to resolve. Unfortunately what works for one is not guaranteed to work for another and you've been burned a few times in this. I can only suggest you keep pushing, keep trying.

I just want to emphasize, the transactional entertainment may help you through a rough patch, but it is only a temporary relief. Those girls, drugs and other recreations are only "yours" for as long as you have paid for. If they can get you through a tough spot and _safely_ out the other side, then great. But please don't expect them to be permanent, thats not what they offer. Easier to expect a fish to climb a tree.

As an aside, I've heard that doing volunteer work can be rewarding. I honestly don't know if that's something that would work for you, but maybe it's something to consider. Gives the feel good feeling of helping others, broadens your social network. But it's not for everyone, so if it doesn't speak to you, that's fine.

And allow yourself to make mistakes. Acknowledge them, learn from them and try move on. It's always easier to say than do, and some mistakes are so much fun, one can't help but repeat them a couple of times. Realize you are not perfect. You never will be. No one is nor will anyone ever be. No one expects you to be perfect.

That fact that you are speaking publicly about it means a lot. It means you have hope. It means you want a good future. You deserve to have hope, to have a future. It may not feel like it right now, or tomorrow, or even next month. We can see it though, and when you (and your own mind) allows you to, you will see it too.

Ignore all this if you want, it's all amateur pop psychology anyway, easy to say, but so much of what I've typed, I struggle to adhere to. If it was easy, success would not taste so good, would it?

Wear sunscreen.
 
Feliks Karp said:
Bud, annoying each other is why the ancient Egyptians invented the internet. Don't isolate yourself, you'll find that most people want to help or be there for you, even if it's just in a genial or chilled out way - lock yourself in an echo chamber and all you going to do is feed the narrative with your self-doubt.
If you feel the need to be alone, then use the net while you have access and learn something new or try something you always wanted to, sounds trite, but movement is always a good thing even if it's just movement of your mind.
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I thought it was the Babylonians that invented the net, I'm sure I saw an Abraham Lincoln quote online to that effect?

A stalled mind is a sad sight indeed.

People rarely give the help you want, but once you have enough distance between then and now, you realize they gave you the help you needed. And all it takes is opening your metaphorical pie hole.
 
Feliks Karp said:
Bud, annoying each other is why the ancient Egyptians invented the internet. Don't isolate yourself, you'll find that most people want to help or be there for you, even if it's just in a genial or chilled out way - lock yourself in an echo chamber and all you going to do is feed the narrative with your self-doubt.
If you feel the need to be alone, then use the net while you have access and learn something new or try something you always wanted to, sounds trite, but movement is always a good thing even if it's just movement of your mind.
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And another thing (as a kid, I used to hate when my old man pulled this line out)

Personally the last 3 months have been the lowest of my 37 years on this rock. I have accepted that regardless of whether my mental illness contributed or not, I have to carry the full burden of the consequences of my actions.

I am currently faced with a multitude of problems, each of which is potentially disastrous to myself and my family.

All I can do is identify the problems I can work on. Went for an interview this morning and sold the hell out of it. When they make me an offer and I accept it,the unemployment problem moves to the 'solved' column and then I will be able and equipped to deal with the next set of issues. That next set of issues, while despairingly horrible, are out of my reach until I get a job, so while I still stress and lose sleep over them, I know there is f-all I can do about them, so I'm better off directing my energy to those things I can do something about and hope that there will be a tomorrow to fix the rest. Up until now, tomorrow has arrived.

What's the problen(s) you actually CAN do something about. Break each issue down to its basic parts and fix one tiny little thing this week. Next week fix another tiny problem. Maybe the week or month after that, you'll fix 5 things. Then 20. Then 100. This time next year you might look back and suddenly realize , "fark, I can't believe where I was then compared to now."
 
@Viper_SA, All the above is true, and I will not add much to it. I just want to say that it is your willingness to talk that gave me the courage to speak here as well. You are a much stronger and better person than you give yourself credit for.

We have all done "stupid" things at the lowest points in our lives, but that was needed. Nothing happens without a reason. Its done, its in the past, and its no body else's business.

Just also want to thank @Feliks Karp for his advice above, upon reflection i noted that i was slowly becoming more and more reclusive. These things sneak up on us while we are not looking. A big thank you for the heads up!

Regards
 
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Watching the original Friday the 13th movies and really wishing someone was here to laugh at them with me. Actually asked out a girl at the liqueur store today, she had already started writing her number down, then she asked how old I am. Well, I can't lie, so I said 40. She's 19, and stopped writing. Said she'll think about it and maybe give me her number next time I come in. Still a win for me though, I got 12 cold beers and proved I could do it to myself. Like a buddy of mine always says, "as jy nie traai sal jy nie naai nie" :D
Excuse my French. Other than that, I have a motherfucker of a panic attack looming since around d 18:00 and it just won't pass. Going back to the psychiatrist next week and maybe get a referral from her for a good shrink. If I have money for hookers I suppose I have money to spend on my mental health too. :D
 
Thanks for all the PM's I have received. I will answer all of them, just not today. I simply don't feel up to it and still need to clear my mind a little after 16 hours of sleep. I appreciate the concern, help offered and words of encouragement from the bottom of my heart people.
 
Not sure what to call it, abandonment issues? Whenever I chat to someone and they say call me back in 10 minutes, and the something comes up and I can't reach them, I get depressed and anxious. Liked they don't want to talk to me anymore or something bad might have happened to them. Maybe someone can she'd some light on this for me. Where would something like this come from?
 
Viper_SA said:
Not sure what to call it, abandonment issues? Whenever I chat to someone and they say call me back in 10 minutes, and the something comes up and I can't reach them, I get depressed and anxious. Liked they don't want to talk to me anymore or something bad might have happened to them. Maybe someone can she'd some light on this for me. Where would something like this come from?
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Off the cuff, and in my unprofessional opinion, your posts suggest Borderline Personality Disorder. Which is why I suggested a cognitive therapist.
 
What exactly does cognitive entail?
 
Viper_SA said:
What exactly does cognitive entail?
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Cognitive therapy basically helps to address inaccurate thoughts and actions. Such as when you say you fall "in love" with someone easily, obviously what you feel is real, but cognitive therapy can help you to see that it's just say happiness not actual love, or maybe that you are trying hard to form a connection with some one so you're objectifying them. Say you feel this joy of a new exciting someone you can slow yourself down before going over that edge in to investing so much in to them before anything has actually developed. It helps to interrupt distorted perceptions before you can have the emotional response. I know a couple people who have full BPD and one of them has benefited greatly from cognitive therapy, the other refuses any kind of help and is a train wreck.

Just a disclaimer, I am not trained or licensed, I'm simply saying from reading your posts you seem to display BPD traits. The idolization, the fear of rejection, self-harm, the anxiety, substance abuse, the roller coaster emotions, are all very telling, but this is just text online, so don't take it as gospel.
 
Viper_SA said:
Liked they don't want to talk to me anymore or something bad might have happened to them.
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Do you find it hard to mentally picture someone's face unless they msg you back or interact with you in some way? That is also a fairly common occurrence in BPD that isn't often spoken about or shown in movies because it isn't dramatic. This can often lead to the idea that the person has abandoned you or them being hurt because you think of them existing only in the sense of their interacting with you.

In any event, I feel as though you reaching out in this thread shows that you aren't ready to expire just yet, if you are still totally against medication I would once again suggest you go in to therapy,but I would suggest investigating both. You're a talented photographer and don't appear to be a 'bad' person, it really would be a waste to have to continue down this endless loop you are in.
 
I would just like to say mental illness should be viewed like having a cold or the flu it is not deadly if treated and it is nothing to be ashamed of or being dicremenated against, my big advise that i would give someone suffering from the effects is to try to view it as only that flu or a cold everything will be ok and you (or family/friends) need to seek the help and medication that can releave these simptoms. It is by no means an easy task but keep this in mind what you are experiencing is not real, it is an inbalance of chemicals in your brain and can be rectified.

I pray that you find peace of mind as soon as possible.
 
I am currently on bipolar meds, but questioning my diagnoses a little. What I have read myself also points to BPD more than bipolar. Thanks for all the support guys.
 
Viper_SA said:
I am currently on bipolar meds, but questioning my diagnoses a little. What I have read myself also points to BPD more than bipolar. Thanks for all the support guys.
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You can have both, BPD sometimes overlaps with mood disorders, please don't stop taking your medication until you've spoken to/seen a professional. The main thing now is to stop any drug/alcohol use, stop engaging in attempts at relationships and seek out a professional as you said in an earlier post. Keep us up to date man.
 
Hmmm, but I do so enjoy my Corona. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist next Thursday, earliest one I could get. And I have a date this weekend.... Well more like dinner with a friend. But I'm trying to not make it into more than it is. It's a complicated enough situation.
 
Good Lord! R1k and hour for a shrink! Wtf! My medical aid pays them from savings, so that means two consultations and my medical aid is gone!
 
My psychologist charges R940 for 50 minutes. My Psychiatrist charges R1150 for 45 minutes. These are both within medical aid rates. My medicine cost? I won’t even go there.

Thank goodness for my medical aid, comparatively speaking, they are fantastic! Very blessed. Both these professionals keep me a fully functioning human being in society and in my job.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
And here we go again. Came home fine, and actually drove out to quickly have the car washed and came home and made a bite to eat. Then suddenly, Bam! I can't breathe, my mind is racing, thinking of a million things at once. Almost like my ears are super sensitive right now and when I think of the few dishes and things I need to do I want to run for the hills.
 
I cannot talk about personal experience but my wife has severe depression and 2 years ago attempted to commit suicide 4 times in one year. I went through it all scared to go to work and leave her at home, scared to go home because you not sure she is still alive. However you still need to work because you need to earn an income. I do have a better understanding around what actually takes place when a person is depressed, it is a illness the same as flu etc. Her circumstances were bought on by child abuse, sexual abuse and suicide in the family. Really bad combo. Recently her psychiatrist and me forced her to go see a phychologist first session and she wants to end it all. It is not the easiest to go through but I have a the respect for the person who is actually suffering from this. People is so quick to judge but without understand the hardness and effort it takes to stand up and act normal. Just my 2 cents but this group have giving me insite and support even thou this is my first post.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 
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