#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

After thinking we were on the right track with my meds, I've been extra depressed all week and an hour ago a massive panic attack hit me out of nowhere. Still bad as hell. My eyes won't focus, my ears are ringing, heart palpatations and feels like I have an elephant on my chest. Is it really worth living a life like this.
Hey, sorry to hear that brother. There is little one can do when these feelings come along other than wait it out with the knowledge that this too will pass. Wish I had more to give than words.

Regards
 
Worth outside of economics (and even then it's dubious at times) is so subjective, the only advice I can offer is to live in spite of tragedy, disappointment and hardship. Personally the only thing that keeps me going is the idea that death may be well worse than living no matter how bad the days seem, better the devil I know I guess. I decided to keep going, do the things that do bring me joy and out live the rest.
 
Old shakespeare summed it up pretty well in Hamlet, although it's debated in it's overall meaning, I find solace in these parts:

"
and the thousand natural shocks
that Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there's the rub,
for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
when we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
must give us pause. There's the respect
that makes Calamity of so long life:
...
to grunt and sweat under a weary life,
but that the dread of something after death,
the undiscovered country, from whose bourn
no traveller returns, puzzles the will,
and makes us rather bear those ills we have,
than fly to others that we know not of.

"
 
I just stopped sharing after realising that my darkness is like a blanket keeping me warm and my burdens are mine to carry alone
 
I hope everyone is well? It has been too long, I forget to check up on here and have turned off just about all my social media notifications, so I am not reminded to...

I have had an up and down start to the year with a lot of stress affecting me due to work, family and personal life so my aim has been to try and manage it as best I can. Some days I win and some days I lose but I am keeping one, one day at a time...
 
Ive been slacking on the forum lately..Too busy at work,started gyming again after work as well as spending the remainder of my time with the wife and kids...

Life is busy!:D
 
It's pretty freeing once you stop caring whether you life or die. Not exactly the "kiss of death" as done in Asia, but this is how we roll in the Freestate with Rinkhals.

IMGP4776.jpg IMG_20180228_202652.jpg
 
I don't frequent this forum that much anymore, how is everyone doing?

Going much better since I've made peace with the fact that no one will ever get me as well as the fact that the people around me need medication and counselling, not me
 
Going much better since I've made peace with the fact that no one will ever get me as well as the fact that the people around me need medication and counselling, not me

Good to hear @Viper_SA :wink: And it is so true, we all believe in some way or another, that we are the only ones experiencing the problems we have and that everyone else is handling life a lot better than we are but it is simply not true at all. We all have our own issues and problems to deal with, however big or small...
 
I read this last night while wide awake, trying to fall asleep after an anxiety/panic attack, the last paragraph in Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts...

"For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel.
Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night.
Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own. With longing: the pure,
ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. We live on."
 
I read this last night while wide awake, trying to fall asleep after an anxiety/panic attack, the last paragraph in Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts...

"For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel.
Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night.
Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own. With longing: the pure,
ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. We live on."
@Neuk, a truly epic book from which I have learned so much. This last paragraph..... Breathtaking.

Regards
 
Was doing so well on my new meds, started doing stuff again and got excited about stuff again, then came a major breakdown at work which forced me to work a week of mixed shifts, ranging from 2 12 hour night shifts 2 eight hour shifts from 2pm to 11pm, and back to another 6 12 hour night shifts. Bam! Crazy is back. Just can't seem to find the place I was before that shuffle. Back to procrastinating and being hyper crytical of everything, and the last two days basically just wishing for death so the racing thoughts would just subside. Extra lonely again as well, and I was just getting used to being by myself again and being content with it. Atleast the new psychiatrist and I are on the same page. I'm not that much bipolar but have more markers towards borderline personality disorder, although the treatments are much the same. I need to find a good shrink I can see after hours though, and money to pay for it because my medical aid is already depleted. I also think I might have some ADD or ADHD markers. It's like my mind is thinking of a million things at once and can't concentrate on one thing alone. All in all its been a k@k weekend. How's everyone else doing?
 
Was doing so well on my new meds, started doing stuff again and got excited about stuff again, then came a major breakdown at work which forced me to work a week of mixed shifts, ranging from 2 12 hour night shifts 2 eight hour shifts from 2pm to 11pm, and back to another 6 12 hour night shifts. Bam! Crazy is back. Just can't seem to find the place I was before that shuffle. Back to procrastinating and being hyper crytical of everything, and the last two days basically just wishing for death so the racing thoughts would just subside. Extra lonely again as well, and I was just getting used to being by myself again and being content with it. Atleast the new psychiatrist and I are on the same page. I'm not that much bipolar but have more markers towards borderline personality disorder, although the treatments are much the same. I need to find a good shrink I can see after hours though, and money to pay for it because my medical aid is already depleted. I also think I might have some ADD or ADHD markers. It's like my mind is thinking of a million things at once and can't concentrate on one thing alone. All in all its been a k@k weekend. How's everyone else doing?
Sad to hear @Viper_SA. Then also, seeing that this was caused by an abnormal situation, I think you can look forward to returning to the previous good space once your routine returns to normal. Just focus on that prospect.

Holding thumbs.

Regards
 
Struggling today, both with the stinkies and mentally. Busy setting up my snake racks, and although I know I won't finish it all in one day, my mind and heart is racing, jumping to everything else I have to do and making me anxious as hell. Think I might have some add or adhd as well, really struggling to focus on only one thing and accepting I can't do everything at once. Anyone understand what I'm saying?
 
I have tried to answer your post three times over, each time deleting it. All I can say is: Acceptance is key: Accept the fact that you will get as far as you can, accept your shortcommings, BUT always try to improve by setting simple targets, first go for 50%, then try to improve on it. Gratitude is next, be gratefull for the time granted you to spend time on having a hobby, gratefull for what you have, gratefull for the resources to sustain your hobby. If neccesarry take time out, put up a favourite album (Pink Floyd/ Roger Waters for me) Take a few puffs on your favourite juice ( You had some wonderfull Tobacco recipes?) Regain momentum and push forward. We all struggle, as long as we struggle forward (although it seems backwards at times) My thoughts is with you and I hope that the words I spoke/ written might grant some serenity and comfort, Good luck and be Blessed.

Sent from my E5633 using Tapatalk
 
I can't even begin to give advice because I have never felt like that... all I can say is everytime you post I wish there was something I could say to help. But suffice to say we do care! :h:
 
I feel their eyes all over me
It's lookin' like conspiracy
I'm out of friends that I can trust
Maybe they're on to us
My heart is filled with suspicion
I've got a fearful condition
Its more than just paranoia
Maybe they're on to us
Maybe they're on to us

You're not the only one
To sleep through the firing squad
To scream through the night at God
Wake in a pouring sweat, you hear the sound
Can't even turn around
Hand reaching from the ground
Who's gonna save us
Who's gonna save us now

I'm looking up in the rear view
Crowds that I can't seem to push through
Strangers and operations
Maybe they're on to us
My hands are shakin' like a leaf
Can't even see in front of me
I know its just paranoia
Maybe they're on to us
Maybe they're on to us

You're not the only one
To sleep…



Sent from my E5633 using Tapatalk
 
I can't even begin to give advice because I have never felt like that... all I can say is everytime you post I wish there was something I could say to help. But suffice to say we do care! :h:

Thanks @acorn and @Rob Fisher, really appreciate the kind words. Drilled air holes in 48 tubs, put some substrate in to dry out and did some laundry. Kept busy, just wish my mind would switch off. I've now run out of dryish substrate, so the next batch needs to dry out in the garage a bit for a few days, so I opened a beer, gave myself an atta boy and threw on earphones. I did however make progress with my social phobia and attended a berpetological meeting IN Benoni last night and plan on joining up. Every 2nd Friday of the month I'll be attending meetings then and learning even more about snakes. Also, I have vowed to attend Vapecon this year. Its time to meet some of the great folk who have supported me through my journey, both vape wise and mentally.
 
Another one that boost me up....

Open your eyes don't be this way
Though all your dreams are swept away
The stairs will rise from yesterday
Your tears and fears all melt away

The waters will rush but don't dismay
Our smiles will cross the world will stay
The bridge has crossed itself today
Now close your eyes and sway the sway, sway the sway



Sent from my E5633 using Tapatalk
 
Also, I have vowed to attend Vapecon this year. Its time to meet some of the great folk who have supported me through my journey, both vape wise and mentally.

100% @Viper_SA that would be awesome!

And btw I also work with snakes... Baby Choos brings me at least a snake a week and they are always alive... normally they are grey/black and very common... yesterday I got a green one and this one was very aggressive and scary! It tried to climb up my snake handling device (more commonly known as my braai tongs) and gave me quite a SKRIK! But it was released unharmed into the gorge.
 
Back
Top