Hilarious....a riot!
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- Thread starter johan
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Hilarious....a riot!
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink.
"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know ... a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day!"
"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know ... a little peace and quiet?"
"Yeah. But today is the last day!"
Absolutely shocking!
This photo was taken today of a major rock slide in Ohio. Sources have confirmed once they removed the boulder they found the remains of a coyote underneath. Witnesses say they saw a roadrunner speeding away quickly from the scene just after impact.
Wouldn't play this guy for money!
https://www.youtube.com/embed/YWZLw6Mo8X8
https://www.youtube.com/embed/YWZLw6Mo8X8
Like the Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery waiting room.
"I hope to God the doctor finds something wrong with me because I'd hate to feel like this if I was well!"
Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics. He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their last respects.
"He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good."
"And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness.
"That's because he died in his sleep." explained Mrs Murphy, "and he doesn't know he's dead yet,but when he wakes up, the shock will kill him!"
"Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?"
"And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.
Murphy arrived home late from the pub, well oiled and ready for trouble.
"Is that you Murphy?" called his wife.
"It damned well better be!"
Two tough union men were working on a building site when Murphy fell
from the second floor scaffolding.
"Are ya dead?" cried Gallagher from above.
"To be sure I am," replied Murphy.
"You are such a liar Murphy that I don't know whether to believe you or
not!" called Gallagher.
"That proves I'm dead," said Murphy's voice from the rubble below,
"because if I was alive you wouldn't be game to call me a liar!"
Dublin's contestant in an international quiz was waiting for his first question.
"First, what's your name and occupation?" The compere asked.
"Pass", came the reply.
Paddy and Shamus were hitchhiking.
"It's best if we split up," said Paddy. "I will meet you in the next
city under the town hall clock".
Later that night Shamus was waiting at the appointed place when Paddy
drove up in a swank car.
"Where the hell did you get that?"
Paddy explained that he had just walked a little way when a beautiful
woman picked him up. She drove into the woods, got out and took all her
clothes off.
"She said I could have anything I wanted, so I took the car," said
Paddy.
"Good choice too," said Shamus. "You'd look ridiculous in her clothes."
PADDY... "If you can guess how many chooks I have in my bag, you can
have both of them."
"Three," ? ... Suggested Shaun.
Paddy was coming through the customs at the airport carrying a large
bottle.
"What have you there?" said a suspicious customs officer.
"Tis Lourdes holy water. I am bringing it home with me", said Paddy.
The officer took the bottle and tried some. " Why it's Irish whiskey."
! He spluttered.
"Lord bless me."! Said Paddy, "another bloomin`miracle."
On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub.
The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle.
"What's it for?" asked Paddy..
"It's for a poor widow with 13 kids." said the barman.
Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep them."
"I hope to God the doctor finds something wrong with me because I'd hate to feel like this if I was well!"
Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics. He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their last respects.
"He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good."
"And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness.
"That's because he died in his sleep." explained Mrs Murphy, "and he doesn't know he's dead yet,but when he wakes up, the shock will kill him!"
"Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?"
"And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.
Murphy arrived home late from the pub, well oiled and ready for trouble.
"Is that you Murphy?" called his wife.
"It damned well better be!"
Two tough union men were working on a building site when Murphy fell
from the second floor scaffolding.
"Are ya dead?" cried Gallagher from above.
"To be sure I am," replied Murphy.
"You are such a liar Murphy that I don't know whether to believe you or
not!" called Gallagher.
"That proves I'm dead," said Murphy's voice from the rubble below,
"because if I was alive you wouldn't be game to call me a liar!"
Dublin's contestant in an international quiz was waiting for his first question.
"First, what's your name and occupation?" The compere asked.
"Pass", came the reply.
Paddy and Shamus were hitchhiking.
"It's best if we split up," said Paddy. "I will meet you in the next
city under the town hall clock".
Later that night Shamus was waiting at the appointed place when Paddy
drove up in a swank car.
"Where the hell did you get that?"
Paddy explained that he had just walked a little way when a beautiful
woman picked him up. She drove into the woods, got out and took all her
clothes off.
"She said I could have anything I wanted, so I took the car," said
Paddy.
"Good choice too," said Shamus. "You'd look ridiculous in her clothes."
PADDY... "If you can guess how many chooks I have in my bag, you can
have both of them."
"Three," ? ... Suggested Shaun.
Paddy was coming through the customs at the airport carrying a large
bottle.
"What have you there?" said a suspicious customs officer.
"Tis Lourdes holy water. I am bringing it home with me", said Paddy.
The officer took the bottle and tried some. " Why it's Irish whiskey."
! He spluttered.
"Lord bless me."! Said Paddy, "another bloomin`miracle."
On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub.
The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle.
"What's it for?" asked Paddy..
"It's for a poor widow with 13 kids." said the barman.
Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep them."
Neither would I, not even for a couple pints of Oros - he did however pocketed the white ball a few times, but they didn't show that of coarse
.
spoken like a boss
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