Dirty Lol's Thread
- Thread starter Gizmo
- Start date
Going to be loved for this one
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Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk
Just gonna leave this here.
Guy in doctors surgery:
Guy: Doctor, I fear I am seriously ill doc. My willie is turning yellow!
Doctor: Mmmm, lets see, It's probably stress related, tell me do you have a stressful job?
Guy: Well I used to work as an air traffic controller. 12 hour shifts and the lives of thousands of passengers my hands daily.
Doctor: Well that could be it then.
Guy: No Doc, I won the lotto nine months back and have not worked a day since.
Doctor: Ok then, I see you are wearing a wedding ring, are you and your wife getting along?
Guy: Oh no, no, doc. I've been divorced for about two years now. I just wear the ring to keep the gold diggers at bay. Since winning all that money... well, you know..
Doctor: Do you have any risky or stress inducing pass times such as sky diving or free climbing?
Guy: No doc, I play golf once a week and that's about it.
Doctor: So, you don't work, have no woman in your life and only go out once a week! Tell me what do you do with yourself all day?
Guy: Well doc, not much, sitting on the couch eating Nicknacks and watching porn mostly....
Regards
Guy: Doctor, I fear I am seriously ill doc. My willie is turning yellow!
Doctor: Mmmm, lets see, It's probably stress related, tell me do you have a stressful job?
Guy: Well I used to work as an air traffic controller. 12 hour shifts and the lives of thousands of passengers my hands daily.
Doctor: Well that could be it then.
Guy: No Doc, I won the lotto nine months back and have not worked a day since.
Doctor: Ok then, I see you are wearing a wedding ring, are you and your wife getting along?
Guy: Oh no, no, doc. I've been divorced for about two years now. I just wear the ring to keep the gold diggers at bay. Since winning all that money... well, you know..
Doctor: Do you have any risky or stress inducing pass times such as sky diving or free climbing?
Guy: No doc, I play golf once a week and that's about it.
Doctor: So, you don't work, have no woman in your life and only go out once a week! Tell me what do you do with yourself all day?
Guy: Well doc, not much, sitting on the couch eating Nicknacks and watching porn mostly....
Regards
Last edited:
Wrong use of the word 'F@#k'.
Wife has broken her leg & her Hubby comes after work.
Hubby How r u doing??
Wife: Fine.
Hey, do me a favour.. Go upstairs & get me my slippers. My feet are freezing!
Hubby goes upstairs & sees Wife's hot two sisters lying on the bed.
Hubby: Ur sister sent me up to have sex with you girls..
Sisters: Prove it!
Hubby (Shouting): Hey Honey.., both of them ??
Wife: (Shouting back): Of course! What's d point of f@#king one???...
Absolute Classic!!!
Wife has broken her leg & her Hubby comes after work.
Hubby How r u doing??
Wife: Fine.
Hey, do me a favour.. Go upstairs & get me my slippers. My feet are freezing!
Hubby goes upstairs & sees Wife's hot two sisters lying on the bed.
Hubby: Ur sister sent me up to have sex with you girls..
Sisters: Prove it!
Hubby (Shouting): Hey Honey.., both of them ??
Wife: (Shouting back): Of course! What's d point of f@#king one???...
Absolute Classic!!!
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Except in '81 it was an assassination attempt, nearly fatal, but John Paul II went on until 2005 when he effectively passed as a side effect of old age.
'81 & '05 were the years Charles got hitched, '18 is a prince with considerably smaller ears and a drastically hotter wife.
I reckon Francis doesn't need to stress too much and any way, he has built in defense mechanisms, when faced with potential danger his
attire can *poof* out to provide extra coverage and protection (probably implemented as a direct result of the attempt on the previous incumbent in '81)
Except he uses Holy water
Our mate "Van" moves to down under and purchases on of those farms in the great outback.
These are massive pieces of land more akin to small countries and life there is pretty secluded due to the vast distances between neighbors. In some cases it is a three day drive on gravel roads between neighboring farmsteads.
After about fourteen months on the farm, not having had contact with another human being, our friend Van in getting pretty lonesome and desperate for some human contact. One morning, sitting on his stoep he notices a dust cloud in the distance. Van gets rather exited at the prospect of visitors but realizes it will still be a while before they arrive so continues with the day's chores.
Late afternoon the visitor arrives and introduces himself as his nearest neighbor, there to welcome him to the community and invite him to the bi-annual social function. The following conversation takes place:
Neighbor: "Van, hope you do not mind but at events like these.. well they get pretty raunchy. Lots of swearing and drinking and so on. You ok with that?"
Van thinks to himself, look after being alone so long a bit of drinking and swearing is not going to upset him so eagerly confirms his attendance.
Neighbor: "And... well... you know... with all the drinking and so on there will be some fighting and sometimes serious injuries occur, you know what some people are like... "
Van thinking the neighbor is exaggerating somewhat: "No problem!"
Neighbor: Also.... Well.... hmmm How do I put this.... Hmmm... Sex, there will be lots of unrestrained, shameless, adulterous and immoral intercourse taking place at this event. Sure you ok with that?"
Van, thinking he can ignore and not participate in any activities not to his liking: "No, sure, count me in! By the way, who all will be attending this event?"
Neighbor: "Well this year, due to the low beef price and financial difficulties and so on, its just gonna be me and you buddy!"
...
Regards
These are massive pieces of land more akin to small countries and life there is pretty secluded due to the vast distances between neighbors. In some cases it is a three day drive on gravel roads between neighboring farmsteads.
After about fourteen months on the farm, not having had contact with another human being, our friend Van in getting pretty lonesome and desperate for some human contact. One morning, sitting on his stoep he notices a dust cloud in the distance. Van gets rather exited at the prospect of visitors but realizes it will still be a while before they arrive so continues with the day's chores.
Late afternoon the visitor arrives and introduces himself as his nearest neighbor, there to welcome him to the community and invite him to the bi-annual social function. The following conversation takes place:
Neighbor: "Van, hope you do not mind but at events like these.. well they get pretty raunchy. Lots of swearing and drinking and so on. You ok with that?"
Van thinks to himself, look after being alone so long a bit of drinking and swearing is not going to upset him so eagerly confirms his attendance.
Neighbor: "And... well... you know... with all the drinking and so on there will be some fighting and sometimes serious injuries occur, you know what some people are like... "
Van thinking the neighbor is exaggerating somewhat: "No problem!"
Neighbor: Also.... Well.... hmmm How do I put this.... Hmmm... Sex, there will be lots of unrestrained, shameless, adulterous and immoral intercourse taking place at this event. Sure you ok with that?"
Van, thinking he can ignore and not participate in any activities not to his liking: "No, sure, count me in! By the way, who all will be attending this event?"
Neighbor: "Well this year, due to the low beef price and financial difficulties and so on, its just gonna be me and you buddy!"
...
Regards
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