Giggles

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RainstormZA said:
*MARRIAGE SOFTWARE....*

A young husband wrote this to a *Systems Analyst -*
_(Marriage Software Div);_

*Dear Systems Analyst,*

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from *Girlfriend 7.0* to *Wife 1.0* and found that the new program began unexpected _Child Processing_ and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the _product brochure._

In addition *Wife 1.0* installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as *"Boys' Night out 2.5"* and *"Golf 3.2"* no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected.

Attempting to operate selected *"Cricket 4.5 & Rugby 7.3 & 15.2"* always fails and *"Shopping 7.1"* runs instead.

I cannot seem to keep *Wife 1.0* in the background whilst attempting to run any of my _favorite applications._ Be it online or offline.
.
I am thinking of going back to *"Girlfriend 7.0"*, but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

_.... The Systems Analyst replied:_

*Dear Customer,*
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the *Wife 1.0 program.*

Many customers upgrade from _Girlfriend 7.0_ to _Wife 1.0_ thinking that _Wife 1.0_ is merely a *UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.*

Actually, *Wife 1.0* is an _OPERATING SYSTEM_ designed by its *Creator* to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge *Wife 1.0* and still convert back to _Girlfriend 7.0_, as *Wife 1.0* was not designed to do this and it is impossible to _uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed._

Some people have tried to install _Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0_ but have ended up with even more problems. *_(See Manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees)._*

Having *Wife 1.0* installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.

When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
*C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE* Program and avoid attempting to use the _*Esc-Key_ for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run *C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE* a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

*Wife 1.0,* although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.

To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as *"Flowers 2.0"* and *"Chocolates 5.0"* or *"HUGS\ KISSES 6.0"* or *"TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 10.0"* or *"even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1"* _(if Child processing has already started)._

*DO NOT* under any circumstances install *"Secretary 2.1"* _(Short Skirt Version)_ or *"One Nightstand 3.2"* _(Any Mood Version)_, as this is not a supported Application for *Wife 1.0* and the system will almost certainly *CRASH*.

*BEST WISHES!*

Yours,"
Systems Analyst
*#To all husbands/ future husbands*
Click to expand...
Brilliant:-D
 
A lady went into a bar and saw a man with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the man if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The man grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you"...? The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a £100. Blushing, he said, "Well, thanks, miss I'm really flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before".....

She said, "Don't be flattered take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit".....!!!

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I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
ELLEN
 
Interview in a Govt department under the Handicap Quota.

Interviewer: Are you handicapped?

Guy: Ya, I lost my balls in a bomb blast.

Interviewer: Ok, you are selected. Working hours will be from 9am to 5pm. Make sure that you are here at sharp 11am everyday.

Puzzled, the guy asks:- Why 11' O clock , when the timing is from 9 ?

Interviewer:- It's a Govt job, first 2 hours we just sit around scratching our balls..What will you do ?


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HOW I LEARNED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day.
And all of the patients were shouting "13....13....13..."

The fence was too high to see over, but
I saw a little gap in the planks.

So I looked through to see what was going on....
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.

Then they all started shouting "14....14....14
 
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