A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
Giggles
- Thread starter Sharrivz
- Start date
LITTLE OLD LADY IN COURT
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Old Lady: I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I shot him, the little b@st@rd.
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Old Lady: I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: He began to rub all over of my body.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now! '
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!"
And that's when I shot him, the little b@st@rd.
At the crowded Sandton bus stop a beautiful young blonde woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, Hennie, a fris boerseun from Kakamas, who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
Hennie smiled and in his best English answered her : 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree wiff you, but after you unzipped my fly free times, I kinda figured we was friends.'
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, Hennie, a fris boerseun from Kakamas, who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
Hennie smiled and in his best English answered her : 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree wiff you, but after you unzipped my fly free times, I kinda figured we was friends.'
A Man Was Hitchhiking On A Very Dark Night In The Middle Of A Storm.*rain*
*storm* The Storm Was So Strong That He Could Hardly See His Feet In Front Of Him.
Suddenly A Car Stopped Next To Him. Without Thinking, He Got In And Closed The Door, Just To Realize That There Was Nobody Behind The Steering Wheel.
The Car Moved Off Slowly. He Looked Ahead And Saw A Curve In The Road.
Scared, He Started Praying,Begging For His Life. As He Was Terrified, Just Before Hitting The Curve A Hand Appeared Through The Window And Turned The Steering Wheel
The Man, Now Paralyzed With Fear, Watched How The Hand Kept Appearing Everytime They Got To A Curve.
Gathering His Courage, He Jumped Out And Ran To The Nearest Lights he could see.
Wet and In shock he went Into a shebeen And Asked For A Double Brandy. After Drinking It, He Told Everyone Of The Horrible Experience He Just gad.
Everyone Was Silent when They Realised He Was Crying.
About Half An Hour Later, Two Men Came Walking Into The Shebeen and on seeing the Terrified Man, The One Said To The Other;"Ekse,: isn't that The Idiot That Got Into The Car While We Were Pushing It?"
*storm* The Storm Was So Strong That He Could Hardly See His Feet In Front Of Him.
Suddenly A Car Stopped Next To Him. Without Thinking, He Got In And Closed The Door, Just To Realize That There Was Nobody Behind The Steering Wheel.
The Car Moved Off Slowly. He Looked Ahead And Saw A Curve In The Road.
Scared, He Started Praying,Begging For His Life. As He Was Terrified, Just Before Hitting The Curve A Hand Appeared Through The Window And Turned The Steering Wheel
The Man, Now Paralyzed With Fear, Watched How The Hand Kept Appearing Everytime They Got To A Curve.
Gathering His Courage, He Jumped Out And Ran To The Nearest Lights he could see.
Wet and In shock he went Into a shebeen And Asked For A Double Brandy. After Drinking It, He Told Everyone Of The Horrible Experience He Just gad.
Everyone Was Silent when They Realised He Was Crying.
About Half An Hour Later, Two Men Came Walking Into The Shebeen and on seeing the Terrified Man, The One Said To The Other;"Ekse,: isn't that The Idiot That Got Into The Car While We Were Pushing It?"
Lol, why can one not remember these brilliant responses when in need!
The Customer is always right!
Caller: Eish! Tha printa he is not wekking!
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Tha mause he is jammed!
Customer Service: Mouse? Are you sure it's a printer, as they don't come with a mouse?
Caller: Eish! I know tha mause and also I know tha printer. I tell you. Tha mause he is jammed!
That's why the printer he is not wekking!!
Customer Service: I'm telling you, it can't be the printer! They don't have a mouse!
Caller
okaaay! I send picha!!!
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Caller: Eish! Tha printa he is not wekking!
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Tha mause he is jammed!
Customer Service: Mouse? Are you sure it's a printer, as they don't come with a mouse?
Caller: Eish! I know tha mause and also I know tha printer. I tell you. Tha mause he is jammed!
That's why the printer he is not wekking!!
Customer Service: I'm telling you, it can't be the printer! They don't have a mouse!
Caller
okaaay! I send picha!!! Scroll down...
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Bwahahahaha
Last edited by a moderator:
Lmao. And that was a serious Facebook post? What's a dumbass.
Woman's Poem...
He didn't like the casserole,
and he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuts were too
hard...
Not like his mother used to
make.
I didn't perk the coffee right.
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks.
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
snotklapped him...
Like his mother used to do.
He didn't like the casserole,
and he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuts were too
hard...
Not like his mother used to
make.
I didn't perk the coffee right.
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks.
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
snotklapped him...
Like his mother used to do.
How I feel today 
Send while vaping on the Reo mini Thor
Send while vaping on the Reo mini Thor
WTF! BWAHAHAHAHA!!
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