#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

[Neuk]

Will take about two weeks to get results back. 8000 pages to analyse apparently. CBD is going. Might be overdoing it in the beginning, but it seems to help. Currently weaning off my meds and looking for a new psychiatrist that isn't so pill-happy. Started vaping today as well. Going to try and cut back to minimum on the stinkies for the week and next week take none. Yesterday I was lonely as ****, and just had a bad afternoon in general.

It can be frustrating waiting for test results, my girlfriend has had multiple blood tests the last few weeks, waiting for the last round which was done on Tuesday. Good luck with them!

How is the CBD going? I wouldn't have recommended weening yourself off of medication without consulting a medical professional but I am all for looking for non heavy medical type solutions.

Good luck with the cigarettes!

 

[Neuk]

Rekindled some old friendships, and it's opened up so many doors and given me hope again. Didn't do the scary movie Halloween I had planned, but spent an hour on the phone with an old friend and she really cheered me up. Today turned out to be a good day after all

Good to hear bud Keep looking for the little rays of sunshine...

 

[Dela Rey Steyn]

just "found" this thread today, and so happy I did! I love the initiative, more often than not its easier to talk and open up to "strangers" rather than the one close to us, because we mostly feel that we don't want to "burden" those around us with our troubles. Talking about our feelings and troubles is 80% of the battle in my mind, because once it has been spoken about it is easier to address the issue, its been acknowledged. To each and everyone on this thread, those that come to lay themselves bare and those that provide a willing ear and advice, thank you for this platform

 

[Neuk]

just "found" this thread today, and so happy I did! I love the initiative, more often than not its easier to talk and open up to "strangers" rather than the one close to us, because we mostly feel that we don't want to "burden" those around us with our troubles. Talking about our feelings and troubles is 80% of the battle in my mind, because once it has been spoken about it is easier to address the issue, its been acknowledged. To each and everyone on this thread, those that come to lay themselves bare and those that provide a willing ear and advice, thank you for this platform

Welcome to the thread, share away, or sit back and read others that do There is also a WhatsApp group if you are interested.

 

[Viper_SA]

Getting my EEG results later today. Will keep you guys updated if anything of note unfolds.

 

[RainstormZA]

So last night my dad tries it with me. I mean it's not the first time, he carries on about how in a year's time my parents may be dead and I have no one to help me. Blah blah blah.

Short of manipulating me, I feel it was disrespectful the way he spoke to me. I don't need him repeating that sh1t to me. I'm not stupid, i'm aware of my need to study and try pass my security certification exam.

I wish that there was someone to stand up to him and tell him what he is really doing to me - instead of encouraging me, he's degrading and putting me down as worthless.

My mom knows it's getting to me but she won't do anything about it.

I'm kind of losing it a bit, very close to losing my patience and my temper with him.

Any advice?

 

[Dela Rey Steyn]

Getting my EEG results later today. Will keep you guys updated if anything of note unfolds.

Good Luck and keep us posted!

 

[vicTor]

So last night my dad tries it with me. I mean it's not the first time, he carries on about how in a year's time my parents may be dead and I have no one to help me. Blah blah blah.

Short of manipulating me, I feel it was disrespectful the way he spoke to me. I don't need him repeating that sh1t to me. I'm not stupid, i'm aware of my need to study and try pass my security certification exam.

I wish that there was someone to stand up to him and tell him what he is really doing to me - instead of encouraging me, he's degrading and putting me down as worthless.

My mom knows it's getting to me but she won't do anything about it.

I'm kind of losing it a bit, very close to losing my patience and my temper with him.

Any advice?

I would say study harder, use that anger as determination, then wave your certification in his face when you get it

strong's

 

[Dela Rey Steyn]

So last night my dad tries it with me. I mean it's not the first time, he carries on about how in a year's time my parents may be dead and I have no one to help me. Blah blah blah.

Short of manipulating me, I feel it was disrespectful the way he spoke to me. I don't need him repeating that sh1t to me. I'm not stupid, i'm aware of my need to study and try pass my security certification exam.

I wish that there was someone to stand up to him and tell him what he is really doing to me - instead of encouraging me, he's degrading and putting me down as worthless.

My mom knows it's getting to me but she won't do anything about it.

I'm kind of losing it a bit, very close to losing my patience and my temper with him.

Any advice?

My heart bleeds for you @RainstormZA,

I struggled with my "UBER-ALPHA MALE" Military father for years. My situation worked itself out (sort off) as I became older and I myself became comfortable with my role as Husband and "head of household". Father /Daughter relationships are supposed to be such a special bond and I can only imagine the emotional pain that this is putting you through.

 

[RainstormZA]

Thanks @vicTor that's pretty good solid advice.

Yeah I went and asked my mom if she wanted me to waste about R2000 worth on an exam that I may barely pass or fail. I failed the first one because I got pushed around to writing it and told her I need a bit more time to get it all in my head. It's way bigger than the A+.

She said OK I have til mid of January to get myself sorted for both N+ and security+. And the reason is because they away for 2 months starting next week Thurs.

More than enough time to get my sh1t together.

 

[RainstormZA]

Oh by the way @Dela Rey Steyn I was at a client of my mom's yesterday. Not sure why we were there but somehow I managed to figure it out while I was there.

My mom asked my dad to come sort some hardware related issues with pc equipment and WiFi connection.

Makes one think - why didn't she ask me? And with dad's prissy attitude, I even offered to help because of my experience and being a qualified A+ technician, he ignored me flat and waved me off.

What kind of parents are they to treat me like this?

Then later, I offered to help the client sort his label printing machine (he's a potato farmer) and not very technical with pc stuff, all via remote access and WhatsApp if he doesn't come right with it himself. He said he will call me if he gets stuck and appreciates the gesture. Just so he knows I'm available to assist him.

Speaking of online support, makes the perfect skill set to assist the deaf as I'm deaf myself and rely on written communication.

 

[Dela Rey Steyn]

Were you born Deaf @RainstormZA ? It seems like your Father can't accept/resents your disability. Almost like he blames himself and then takes it out on you:

he carries on about how in a year's time my parents may be dead and I have no one to help me.

In my mind, that sort of "aggressive concern" statements stem mainly from feelings of inadequacy

 

[RainstormZA]

Were you born Deaf @RainstormZA ? It seems like your Father can't accept/resents your disability. Almost like he blames himself and then takes it out on you:


In my mind, that sort of "aggressive concern" statements stem mainly from feelings of inadequacy

More like he thinks I'm stupid and is above me. I'm the common trash to him.

 

[Dela Rey Steyn]

More like he thinks I'm stupid and is above me. I'm the common trash to him.

I honestly think the fault lies with him, its seems like he can't accept that he "made" a "Faulty Child" (In his eyes. You are NOT faulty, a fault or broken, you are human, you are woman, you are strong ) and unfortunately, until he comes to grips with that himself, he will struggle to accept you (his loss IMO) Your best way forward i would think is, to as @vicTor said, use your anger/sadness to help motivate you and elevate yourself above his negativity. Do not see it as working towards his acceptance, but rather to your personal growth.

 

[RainstormZA]

Actually, @Dela Rey Steyn I need to correct something here - I call him my dad because he's been my dad since I was 3. My own father abandoned me, and I have not seen him in over 10 years. My mom said it's very sad because she wished I could have had better than that. Long story short, I was an an illegitimate child. I mean I grew up with a lot of anger because i was abandoned and lied to along the way but since I hit 25, I decided to do something instead of feeling sorry for myself. I studied and became a technician - worked for a company for 6 months in the workshop and then started working my way up with two others.

Unfortunately, in this country, there is a lot of discrimination being shared around - not everyone wants to employ a deaf person. That's why I'm going to the UK and they hold the strings in getting me there but there's a lot of manipulation going on. Saying if I don't get my certifications or pass, I won't be going. For me, that is just disrespectful. If they want me to get a better life, then they should be more encouraging and positive instead of being manipulative and negative. So I'm in a bind here, I can't just do something that might jeopardize my chances of going to the UK.

I mean all the jobs offered as desktop support technicians are telephonic. Where is the support for the deaf people? No one cares really, except me. The UK has much more and much better opportunities for me so I really need to do this. Just their lack of respect grating on my nerves now and I'm on the edge at the moment.

Like @vicTor said, use my anger constructively and get my life ahead then I can give them the finger after I've paid everything off. I just gotta suck it up.

 

[Dela Rey Steyn]

I call him my dad because he's been my dad since I was 3

Then I think he is just a distasteful person

Yes South Africa is really far behind the rest of the world when it comes to the differently-able work market.

My wish for you is success in your studies and a good opportunity abroad.

You don't have to "Suck it up", nobody deserves that kind of treatment, from anybody

Stay strong

 

[RainstormZA]

You don't have to "Suck it up", nobody deserves that kind of treatment, from anybody

That's the issue - I get threatened.

Not cool, I agree but what can I do right now?

 

[jm10]

That's the issue - I get threatened.

Not cool, I agree but what can I do right now?

Is there a reason why you put up with that crap, is it not possible to move out on your own.


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[RainstormZA]

Is there a reason why you put up with that crap, is it not possible to move out on your own.


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Lost my job a few years back and I've not been able to find a 8-5 job since then. I'm mostly on a day-to-day basis work and not even enough to live on my own.

 

[jm10]

Lost my job a few years back and I've not been able to find a 8-5 job since then. I'm mostly on a day-to-day basis work and not even enough to live on my own.

Ah that sucks and makes sense now, its hard when your backed into a corner. A piece of advice then, i went from the accounting field into fire protection, don’t just job hunt in your field, send your cv to every other job ad to.


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[RainstormZA]

Ah that sucks and makes sense now, its hard when your backed into a corner. A piece of advice then, i went from the accounting field into fire protection, don’t just job hunt in your field, send your cv to every other job ad to.


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Yeah I do filing every month and the little bit helps. Unfortunately my mother is retiring so there won't be any more work for me.

I know the bookkeeper that used to work with my mom hired me to do filing for several companies - my mom said she's not too sure if she wants me to continue or how I'm going to get there if that happens. I'm sure we can make a plan though. I get paid by the hour so really not much if I do only one hour to be honest and won't be worth the fuel trip for a small amount of work.

And I've been told I do a good job of filing papers. So thinking locally - maybe spread the word as a lot of people hate filing. I really don't mind it.

 

[RainstormZA]

 

[Viper_SA]

Good Luck and keep us posted!

So, apparently my EEG is normal and within limits.
It's good news, but I was secretly hoping for something that would explain the shift in my behavior and mental health over the last 3 years.

 

[RainstormZA]

So, apparently my EEG is normal and within limits.
It's good news, but I was secretly hoping for something that would explain the shift in my behavior and mental health over the last 3 years.

Yeah it happens, both of mine came up normal too. Had one when I was about 5 and last one at 17.

Didn't even pick up my epilepsy either. Apparently simple partial and complex partial seizures can cause behaviour changes. Ive been mainly seizure free for nearly 3 years, thanks to the use of cbd oil.

Keep looking for the source cause and don't give up @Viper_SA

 

[Dela Rey Steyn]

So, apparently my EEG is normal and within limits.
It's good news, but I was secretly hoping for something that would explain the shift in my behavior and mental health over the last 3 years.

That good news Man! You will find what you are looking for, remember everything that its not, is something that can atleast be ruled out