#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there

Oh no @Moerse Rooikat
So sorry

I cannot even imagine what you are going through...

Wishing you all the strength and courage
 
i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there

Ons het al gechat en buddy ek wil net se jy weet waar om my te kry. In die tyd moet jy soos Christos gese het weet dat hier is mense wat jou sal help en sal luister en sal help waar ons kan. Baie sterkte vir jou en die vamilie.
 
i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there

@Moerse Rooikat I am so, so sorry to hear this. I simply can not imagine what you are going through.

I wish you strength in coping with your loss.
 
i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there

as I said to you this morning, be strong, our thoughts are with you and your family
 
i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there
Strongs mate. As Anton said in his reply, we're all here for you
 
i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there
Condolences to you and your family, be strong meneer. As the rest of the group has said, remember we are there for you and you will be in our thoughts and prayers.
 
So, I've learned that other people can't make me happy and be my crutch, that I have to be happy on my own to succeed in any relationship, but man today I need a hug and just someone that whispers "everything will be okay eventually" and just to know there is someone beside me
 
All the best to everyone on this thread for 2019. Chin up, one foot in front of the other, and eyes on the prize. Remember, lions aren't bothered by the opinion of sheep. Find your inner lion and run with it.
 
i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there

My friend I am not Afrikaans and I don't know you very well - but you helped me out many, many times when I was in need and you had no idea who I was. You taught me how to build coils, you traded mods with me and one day I was stuck you handed me full roll of wire. It was such an honour to meet your wife on that one occasion and I still see your WhatsApp status updates and they are truly heartbreaking. I'd just like to let you know if there is anything at all that you need. Any type of help or errands or what have you, please don't hesitate to contact me. Send a PM if you don't remember my Cell. Wishing you all the best. I hope you make it through this nightmare .

C
 
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Pearl Jam

"Inside Job"

Underneath this smile Lies everything
All my hopes, anger, pride and shame

Make myself a pact, not to shut doors on the past
Just for today,... I am free

I will not lose my faith
It's an inside job today

I know this one thing well,...

I used to try and kill love, it was the highest sin
Breathing insecurity out and in

Searching hope, I'm shown the way to run straight
Pursuing the greater way for all human light

How I choose to feel is how I am
How I choose to feel is how I am

I will not lose my faith
It's an inside job today

Holding on, the light of the night
On my knees to rise and fix my broken soul

Again.

Let me run into the rain
To be a human light again

Let me run into the rain
To shine a human light today

Oh, life comes from within your heart and desire
Oh, life comes from within my heart and desire
Oh, life comes from within your heart and desire
 
I am slowly catching up on this thread but hope that all have had a good start to 2019. I no longer set NY resolutions for various reasons, but came across this which has so many great points...



@Viper_SA, @Raindance and @RainstormZA - Great to see you fighting the good fight!

i have to get this out. need to start saying it out loud ,
on the 27 dec my wife past away, my best friend the only one that coed understand
i feel lost
need to stay out of the rabid hole, but it looks so nice down there

I have no words and if I did they would never be enough, my sincerest condolences :pensive:
 
You know, I had a bad day last week. I went and messaged my mom why the family makes me feel like I'm a total useless person and that the way they look at me like I'm inferior to them. Like they are better than me.

I think it got the message across because my parents entrust the care of the farm to me and instead of asking me, they ask my brother to do stuff that I am more than capable of doing. So in short, i'm not trustworthy in their eyes.

Yes I've made some stupid mistakes in the past and it took all my strength to change my bad habits. I haven't touched alcohol for a year and they know I always deny an offer for a glass of wine.

It just says a lot about their character and how they treat/view me.

All of a sudden, they change their attitude towards me because I told my mom I have PTSD on top of it all. Even my brother started telling the kids off for jumping on the floor above me (it's wooden so you can imagine) and that the couch is not a trampoline.

So finally with the peace and quiet, i'm back to studying and doing what needs to be done.

It helps to talk and explain things.
 
Yeah this morning my stepdad asked me to do some stuff for him.

I was rather surprised that he said thank you very much. He doesn't do that very often...

We had a client order from Hong Kong so packing boxes for them to be shipped by air freight.
 
I'm not sure if I should even post this. What's the point? I mean, really, what's the point of this rat race we call life? I feel pretty down tonight. I've been seeing a new psychiatrist who promised to reduce my medication and get me back on track. First, she prescribed some older meds, that requires a lot of monitoring for side effects, most of which I developed. 2 visits later, and I feel like she's given up. Ended up putting me back on the same meds I was on before, only at higher dosages and knocking me out every night. While my days are spent in a panic. Even when my head is "right" my body feels like it's having a panic attack. I'm really disappointed. Been working real hard to battle this disease and look at the "bright side" but it's hard when I looks at my meds and realise, I'm basically where I was a year ago.
 
I'm not sure if I should even post this. What's the point? I mean, really, what's the point of this rat race we call life? I feel pretty down tonight. I've been seeing a new psychiatrist who promised to reduce my medication and get me back on track. First, she prescribed some older meds, that requires a lot of monitoring for side effects, most of which I developed. 2 visits later, and I feel like she's given up. Ended up putting me back on the same meds I was on before, only at higher dosages and knocking me out every night. While my days are spent in a panic. Even when my head is "right" my body feels like it's having a panic attack. I'm really disappointed. Been working real hard to battle this disease and look at the "bright side" but it's hard when I looks at my meds and realise, I'm basically where I was a year ago.

Hang in there brother, one day soon things will be bright again. You know it will.

Regards
 
Hang in there. I know how you feel.

I think i got up way too early this morning and as a result, i'm more tired and stressed. This afternoon I was driving up the road to drop off my staff in town and realised that it felt like watching a horse race and I just want it all to slow down. It's the feeling that I'm losing control over something, yet everything is fine in that moment and then I remind myself to breath and ignore everything else to drive safely there and back.

I had to stop wearing my hearing aid as sound is the main trigger.
 
I'm not sure if I should even post this. What's the point? I mean, really, what's the point of this rat race we call life? I feel pretty down tonight. I've been seeing a new psychiatrist who promised to reduce my medication and get me back on track. First, she prescribed some older meds, that requires a lot of monitoring for side effects, most of which I developed. 2 visits later, and I feel like she's given up. Ended up putting me back on the same meds I was on before, only at higher dosages and knocking me out every night. While my days are spent in a panic. Even when my head is "right" my body feels like it's having a panic attack. I'm really disappointed. Been working real hard to battle this disease and look at the "bright side" but it's hard when I looks at my meds and realise, I'm basically where I was a year ago.
@Viper_SA ,boet, we all have days and nights like this, Allthough some people experience it worse than others, like in your instance, and a couple of others here. It’s the roller coaster of life, some ups where you can see the sun or the stars and the beauty of creation, and the downs where you go down into the dark forest and your heart beats in your mouth and your stomach revolts. And sometimes the wheels just come of and youre airborne for some time and your mind and body is scared shitless!

And yet we all carry on, some faster and some slower and at their own pace. Meds is meds, they try everything and if it works, fine, if it doesn’t you have to go back to square one to start over again. And being knocked out at night is not the worst that can happen, you could be awake the whole time! Days are no exception, but offer no hiding places for any of us or these feelings, and to continue takes courage.

I was on average on between 19 and 25 tablets a day while they tried to get that which worked for me, and they changed combo’s at 2 weekly and monthly intervals. I’m down to 7 a day but also have to go back and see the neurologist again to review as I feel they are not supporting me any more or “healing” me any more. So we start again, maybe new ones or maybe more ones, who knows.

You’ve worked real hard for a year, but you are not back where you started, you are a lot more empowered by it being a year later and you have a lot more knowledge of what the symptoms are, and what scares you or works for you, and about what makes you feel better or worse, and why not tell her about that. That may be the part that has been missing in your treatment. Only you know how you fell, they have to guess. Also mention that you perceive rightly or wrongly about her giving up, you may be surprised about the answer.

Stay strong meneer, there is allways a silver lining to any cloud, we might just not see it because it is a silver cloud. You are in a lot of people’s though and prayers, and we are all rooting for you as you have the courage to share and own up about it, while a lot are too scared and therefore don’t share.

Keep your head up and every morning you get up, look in the mirror and say with conviction, Life, today I’m gonna kick you in the Crown Jewels so hard your eyes are still going to be teary next week!

You have shown immense courage with your posts, let that guide you through the bad and scary times, and insight to realize that it’s not easy, and yet continue, and resolve to remove that which is poisonous to you.

Keep on posting and strength to you.
RF
 
I'm not sure if I should even post this. What's the point? I mean, really, what's the point of this rat race we call life? I feel pretty down tonight. I've been seeing a new psychiatrist who promised to reduce my medication and get me back on track. First, she prescribed some older meds, that requires a lot of monitoring for side effects, most of which I developed. 2 visits later, and I feel like she's given up. Ended up putting me back on the same meds I was on before, only at higher dosages and knocking me out every night. While my days are spent in a panic. Even when my head is "right" my body feels like it's having a panic attack. I'm really disappointed. Been working real hard to battle this disease and look at the "bright side" but it's hard when I looks at my meds and realise, I'm basically where I was a year ago.

Not much more that I can add to what @Room Fogger posted, some great words! Stay strong!
 
Having one of those "missing someone I don't even know" evenings and bingeing on Def Leppard songs. How's everyone else doing?
 
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