#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness
- Thread starter brotiform
- Start date
Another sleepless night, insomnia knocking at the front door; too many emotions knocking at the back door and no-one to share them with. Never been so glad for a 5m extension cord to run my Skull Candy Crushers without neighbours nagging. Springsteen, bon jovi, pantera, seether, def leppard. Fck, even my music is screwed up. From love ballads and missing someone I don't know, to feeling agro, and feeling like a party animal. I'd give my left nut for a line and some strippers right now
@Viper_SA - We all have those bad days and nights and need to find a way to best manage and also just get through them. Don't stop though, find your way, believe that it will pass and you will be in a better place soon. Drugs and women will never be the answer and although they provide a temporary escape from whatever darkness you are in, will only worsen the situation in the long run. You know you can always send me a message, even if it is just to vent, I am not always available but will respond as soon as I am...
I am worried that giving advice as someone that is not a professional in the field of psychology may cause more harm than good. The need to assist someone whom is encountering a situation one once shared is however persistent and hard to ignore. I will thus put down some thoughts here with no specific reference to anyone. Use it, don't use it, does not matter. All I ask is that readers give it some thought.
And please, don't judge me.
More than a decade ago I was caught in the grips of a destructive whirlpool of what is politely referred to as a panic disorder. Please allow me to skip over the embarrassing details, besides mentioning that this episode was probably the culmination of an unfortunate and unhappy life since childhood. Almost forty years of dark grey finally drowning out the last bit of blue sky. Leaving nothing but darkness and excruciating solitude.
I am not a religious person. Religion is man made and therefore designed to suit the purposes and understanding of its creators. As to the form and nature of what is generally referred to as god, I have little comment. I do however know for a fact that there is a higher force. Be it found in the principle laws of physics or the divine will and interventions of a supreme deity, I do not know, possibly both... although the latter does not fit my desire for a logical design. Every action is however the response to another, and each has a purpose. When in the depths of darkness, there is a cause for this as well as a purpose. A positive purpose.
Talking about a positive purpose to someone whom has been reduced to a life form that merely breathes because its too much effort to stop doing so my not be the best approach. However, from my own experience I learned to trust that all I needed to do was put one foot in front of the other and that what was needed next would present itself. Literally and figuratively. Make no decisions, just focus on the next step. Go for a walk, in the park, the mall, the beach, down the road... don't think why, when or where, just act on those impulses that feel right.
Yes there may be impulses indicating a desire for “drugs, sex and rock & roll” but they don't feel right. We are complicated beings and “those” impulses come from a different place. My good impulses led me to books. Some I will share with you at the end of this. Books that gave me an understanding of self and purpose.
Before I elaborate on what I learned about self and purpose, allow me to conclude the current topic by stating that the purpose of being completely down and out, the kind of down and out only we whom suffer from “mental health issues” (Hell I hate that definition...) can possibly know, is to motivate the desire to rebuild yourself from scratch.
The reason: whom you were, whom you wanted to be, what you think you are, was and is not what and whom you are supposed to be. A vital change for the better is being forced upon you. Calling on you to become whom you are supposed to be so you can fulfil your purpose in the greater scheme of things. A make or break situation, the outcome of which depends on how you respond to it. Accept the need to change and win, fight it and the forces of change will persist in pushing against you. I saw later that all my misery was in fact self inflicted and sustained by my own aversion to change.
As human beings we are a complex mix. No wonder some of us get confused and end up chronically unhappy. That having been said, ignorance is bliss and may explain why it seems its mostly the thinkers that suffer from this malady. Ok, so what does this mix consist of?
Body, mind and soul.
The body is guided by the basic operating system contained in the reptilian brain which manifests itself as our primal desires which sustain our physical being. Eat, breathe, sleep, reproduce, defecate, fight, flee. As humans we have evolved over millions of years and we share this part of the brain with all living creatures, including maggots and flies. It is the oldest part of our brain and therefore rather dominant. At birth this is what we operate on and all our other more civilised attributes are learned behaviour imparted to us by our parents and peers. Suffice to know that these primal desires will always be present and we need to learn to control them and remain in control of them in order to evolve to a higher level. An important statement in the context of what follows.
Sometimes this learned behaviour gets disrupted or skewed for any number of reasons, and this is when the crap hits the fan big time. For those of us aware enough to notice at least.
Our learned behaviour is part of the development of our minds. The thinking, knowing, memory bits. As to our knowledge of self the mind develops an image of self based on the external inputs it receives. Compliments, insults, examples, values, all culminate in what is called the ego. Note the ego is not a true representation of self, it is the sum of feedback received about the self. And what a fuckup this can turn out to be! Take it from me guys, ego is a *****! The nastiest thing about ego is that the moment you think you have beaten it, is the moment you allow it back in more powerful than before.
You may have noted my aversion to all things HE and the sometimes thinly veiled aggression with which I respond to threads on this topic. This is possibly due to my ongoing struggle in trying to contain my own ego. You see, we live in a make believe world driven by the exploitation of peoples ego's. Peoples desire to distinguish themselves as being better than others has given rise to a whole economy based on supplying so called exclusive goods to satisfy this insatiable desire. Lives wasted in pursuit of what is not real. More money, faster cars, bigger houses at better addresses, the corporate ladder, bigger boobs, a bigger 4x4 to make up for my small ****, designer clothes... Things we don't need, sometimes bought with money we don't have, to impress people we don't know. WTF!
And then one day you wake up wondering why life sucks. Pondering why you should carry on with it. Sad, unfulfilled, lonely (Big boobs ran of with Ranger guy), and financially fucked. Not being able to remember any important events in your children's youth as you were to busy climbing the corporate ladder which turned out to be a escalator you entered from the wrong direction.
But wait folks, that is not all you get with ego. You also get the big “Me/I”. “I am sad”, “I am lonely”, “Poor me”, “I am not good looking enough”, “I am a failure”, “He is looking down on ME”, “She cheated on ME”, “My house”, “My car”. “My receding hairline”, “My sagging body”, “My boobs are smaller than hers”....
You see the ego also has us believing that we are our possessions. That we are our bodies. That the value of me is determined by the things I own and how I look.
Its these perceptions that give rise to our emotions. Happy, sad, anger, jealousy, desire, fear, … (Being male these are the ones I know, women on the other hand could possibly list about 50 more...)
Truth is, I am neither my possessions, title nor physical appearance.
The primal brain/self gives rise to basic needs. Our minds give rise to secondary needs and desires and converts the whole happy lot into some pretty strong and sometimes fucketup emotions. Given that the primary fright and flight response, which secured our species survival over millennia, biases our thinking towards the negative, our emotions are therefore mostly biased towards the negative side of things. That is why we seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time pondering the negative. No wonder some of us go off the rails in spectacular fashion! (Pun intended!)
The change we need to make is to release ourselves from our body and mind. Sound odd? Let me explain as best I can. Developing the soul or spirit. Do not attach the conventional meaning to these words. Best I call it the real self.
I noticed that when a desire or emotion presents itself there is a part of me that becomes aware of it. A conscience that can evaluate it and choose to act on the emotion or choose to ignore it. Ok, ignore it may sound misleading. Rather acknowledge its existence and then consciously decide how to respond to it. With practice this becomes second nature although one must not under estimate the amount of practice this requires. Also never develop pride in this ability because that opens the door for ego to slip in and **** it all up again. I have made that mistake a few times and had to start over again. (My HE reference above) The key is to never give up. Lear to forgive yourself. Failure is merely an indication more practice is required.
Once you learn to reason that a dent in your car is in fact only a dent in a car, your receding hairline is merely your bodies receding hairline, possessions should only make life easier and not be a burden, your wife should be your best and most trusted friend and not a trophy bimbo, I guy giving you the finger is a sign he is a troubled person and has no bearing on you, the meaning of life changes drastically.
Yes I feel sad, so what now? Is it a useful emotion, no. Knowing that, just move on.
You are in control of your emotions. Not the other way round. It takes practice though. Just as a baby needs to be potty trained to learn to control the primal instinct to defecate at random, we need to “potty train” our minds in how to respond to our emotions. Once we get a grip on our emotions we start to develop into the real us. Whom we are supposed to be and actually have always been. Just that we did not know that part of us actually existed. The darkness is only there to encourage us to take the steps required to empower this person. Everything happens for a reason after all.
Recommended reading: (In order my feet brought me to them.)
When everything changes – change everything
Neale Donald Walsch, ISBN 978-0-340-99588-4 (Take with a pinch of salt, some good food for thought though.)
Becoming Enlightened
Dalai Lama, ISBN 978-1-846-04122-8
The Color Purple
Alice Walker, ISBN 978-0-7538-1892-3
Shantaram
Gregory David Roberts, ISBN 978-0-349-11754-6
Trust that people and knowledge will cross your path as and when needed, just trust yourself to recognise where and when that will be.
Regards
And please, don't judge me.
More than a decade ago I was caught in the grips of a destructive whirlpool of what is politely referred to as a panic disorder. Please allow me to skip over the embarrassing details, besides mentioning that this episode was probably the culmination of an unfortunate and unhappy life since childhood. Almost forty years of dark grey finally drowning out the last bit of blue sky. Leaving nothing but darkness and excruciating solitude.
I am not a religious person. Religion is man made and therefore designed to suit the purposes and understanding of its creators. As to the form and nature of what is generally referred to as god, I have little comment. I do however know for a fact that there is a higher force. Be it found in the principle laws of physics or the divine will and interventions of a supreme deity, I do not know, possibly both... although the latter does not fit my desire for a logical design. Every action is however the response to another, and each has a purpose. When in the depths of darkness, there is a cause for this as well as a purpose. A positive purpose.
Talking about a positive purpose to someone whom has been reduced to a life form that merely breathes because its too much effort to stop doing so my not be the best approach. However, from my own experience I learned to trust that all I needed to do was put one foot in front of the other and that what was needed next would present itself. Literally and figuratively. Make no decisions, just focus on the next step. Go for a walk, in the park, the mall, the beach, down the road... don't think why, when or where, just act on those impulses that feel right.
Yes there may be impulses indicating a desire for “drugs, sex and rock & roll” but they don't feel right. We are complicated beings and “those” impulses come from a different place. My good impulses led me to books. Some I will share with you at the end of this. Books that gave me an understanding of self and purpose.
Before I elaborate on what I learned about self and purpose, allow me to conclude the current topic by stating that the purpose of being completely down and out, the kind of down and out only we whom suffer from “mental health issues” (Hell I hate that definition...) can possibly know, is to motivate the desire to rebuild yourself from scratch.
The reason: whom you were, whom you wanted to be, what you think you are, was and is not what and whom you are supposed to be. A vital change for the better is being forced upon you. Calling on you to become whom you are supposed to be so you can fulfil your purpose in the greater scheme of things. A make or break situation, the outcome of which depends on how you respond to it. Accept the need to change and win, fight it and the forces of change will persist in pushing against you. I saw later that all my misery was in fact self inflicted and sustained by my own aversion to change.
As human beings we are a complex mix. No wonder some of us get confused and end up chronically unhappy. That having been said, ignorance is bliss and may explain why it seems its mostly the thinkers that suffer from this malady. Ok, so what does this mix consist of?
Body, mind and soul.
The body is guided by the basic operating system contained in the reptilian brain which manifests itself as our primal desires which sustain our physical being. Eat, breathe, sleep, reproduce, defecate, fight, flee. As humans we have evolved over millions of years and we share this part of the brain with all living creatures, including maggots and flies. It is the oldest part of our brain and therefore rather dominant. At birth this is what we operate on and all our other more civilised attributes are learned behaviour imparted to us by our parents and peers. Suffice to know that these primal desires will always be present and we need to learn to control them and remain in control of them in order to evolve to a higher level. An important statement in the context of what follows.
Sometimes this learned behaviour gets disrupted or skewed for any number of reasons, and this is when the crap hits the fan big time. For those of us aware enough to notice at least.
Our learned behaviour is part of the development of our minds. The thinking, knowing, memory bits. As to our knowledge of self the mind develops an image of self based on the external inputs it receives. Compliments, insults, examples, values, all culminate in what is called the ego. Note the ego is not a true representation of self, it is the sum of feedback received about the self. And what a fuckup this can turn out to be! Take it from me guys, ego is a *****! The nastiest thing about ego is that the moment you think you have beaten it, is the moment you allow it back in more powerful than before.
You may have noted my aversion to all things HE and the sometimes thinly veiled aggression with which I respond to threads on this topic. This is possibly due to my ongoing struggle in trying to contain my own ego. You see, we live in a make believe world driven by the exploitation of peoples ego's. Peoples desire to distinguish themselves as being better than others has given rise to a whole economy based on supplying so called exclusive goods to satisfy this insatiable desire. Lives wasted in pursuit of what is not real. More money, faster cars, bigger houses at better addresses, the corporate ladder, bigger boobs, a bigger 4x4 to make up for my small ****, designer clothes... Things we don't need, sometimes bought with money we don't have, to impress people we don't know. WTF!
And then one day you wake up wondering why life sucks. Pondering why you should carry on with it. Sad, unfulfilled, lonely (Big boobs ran of with Ranger guy), and financially fucked. Not being able to remember any important events in your children's youth as you were to busy climbing the corporate ladder which turned out to be a escalator you entered from the wrong direction.
But wait folks, that is not all you get with ego. You also get the big “Me/I”. “I am sad”, “I am lonely”, “Poor me”, “I am not good looking enough”, “I am a failure”, “He is looking down on ME”, “She cheated on ME”, “My house”, “My car”. “My receding hairline”, “My sagging body”, “My boobs are smaller than hers”....
You see the ego also has us believing that we are our possessions. That we are our bodies. That the value of me is determined by the things I own and how I look.
Its these perceptions that give rise to our emotions. Happy, sad, anger, jealousy, desire, fear, … (Being male these are the ones I know, women on the other hand could possibly list about 50 more...)
Truth is, I am neither my possessions, title nor physical appearance.
The primal brain/self gives rise to basic needs. Our minds give rise to secondary needs and desires and converts the whole happy lot into some pretty strong and sometimes fucketup emotions. Given that the primary fright and flight response, which secured our species survival over millennia, biases our thinking towards the negative, our emotions are therefore mostly biased towards the negative side of things. That is why we seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time pondering the negative. No wonder some of us go off the rails in spectacular fashion! (Pun intended!)
The change we need to make is to release ourselves from our body and mind. Sound odd? Let me explain as best I can. Developing the soul or spirit. Do not attach the conventional meaning to these words. Best I call it the real self.
I noticed that when a desire or emotion presents itself there is a part of me that becomes aware of it. A conscience that can evaluate it and choose to act on the emotion or choose to ignore it. Ok, ignore it may sound misleading. Rather acknowledge its existence and then consciously decide how to respond to it. With practice this becomes second nature although one must not under estimate the amount of practice this requires. Also never develop pride in this ability because that opens the door for ego to slip in and **** it all up again. I have made that mistake a few times and had to start over again. (My HE reference above) The key is to never give up. Lear to forgive yourself. Failure is merely an indication more practice is required.
Once you learn to reason that a dent in your car is in fact only a dent in a car, your receding hairline is merely your bodies receding hairline, possessions should only make life easier and not be a burden, your wife should be your best and most trusted friend and not a trophy bimbo, I guy giving you the finger is a sign he is a troubled person and has no bearing on you, the meaning of life changes drastically.
Yes I feel sad, so what now? Is it a useful emotion, no. Knowing that, just move on.
You are in control of your emotions. Not the other way round. It takes practice though. Just as a baby needs to be potty trained to learn to control the primal instinct to defecate at random, we need to “potty train” our minds in how to respond to our emotions. Once we get a grip on our emotions we start to develop into the real us. Whom we are supposed to be and actually have always been. Just that we did not know that part of us actually existed. The darkness is only there to encourage us to take the steps required to empower this person. Everything happens for a reason after all.
Recommended reading: (In order my feet brought me to them.)
When everything changes – change everything
Neale Donald Walsch, ISBN 978-0-340-99588-4 (Take with a pinch of salt, some good food for thought though.)
Becoming Enlightened
Dalai Lama, ISBN 978-1-846-04122-8
The Color Purple
Alice Walker, ISBN 978-0-7538-1892-3
Shantaram
Gregory David Roberts, ISBN 978-0-349-11754-6
Trust that people and knowledge will cross your path as and when needed, just trust yourself to recognise where and when that will be.
Regards
Wow! I finally found the chance to read through your post, it is very insightful and thought provoking and I still have much to process but thanks for sharing. I certainly enjoyed reading it and hope others will as well...
"Embrace your own madness" ~ Dan Barker.
I love that saying...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I love that saying...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Let's hear who's on which meds, what for, and if they think it works.
Currently: Eptic 125mg twice per day
Purata 10mg twice per day
100mg Seroquel XR in the evenings.
Used to take Camcolit and Serdep. Then switched to Epitec as I started feeling flatlined just below happy/content. Then I started getting panic attacks and very emotional. Cried for no reason. Switched psychitrists, who chanhed my Serdep to Luvox and added Abiliy. Started getting even more panic attacks. Then she stopped the Luvox and Abilify and put me on Seroquel XR 100. Still the same issuez. Very emotional and anxious. Not at work, just at home. I feel crushed by the weight of stuff I need to do. Even a shower seems like too much effort most nights. At least I'm back to 2 or 3 a week. I see something I did weeks/days/yewrs ago and was happy with, and get all anxious that it could have been done better, could look better. I feel like a failure. I take no joy/pride in anything anymore. Part of me knows this is irrational, but my wheels keep spinning and the weight is almost more than I can bare. I think about suicide per hour, not per month like I used to. I was cruizing a yewr ago, now I'm in the dumps. Anyone else have such severe OCD/anxiety? I do not belive my bipolar diagnoses anymore. Something else must be at work here. I reach out socially to people on social media, only to feel ashamed and like a loser afterwardz. Right now I feel like I will die alone and misunderstood. I am looking into whom to contact to donate my brain and whole corpse for scientific research when I die. I don't even feel like leaving a trace behind to be buried or cremated. I just want to disappear.
Sorry for the long vent.
Currently: Eptic 125mg twice per day
Purata 10mg twice per day
100mg Seroquel XR in the evenings.
Used to take Camcolit and Serdep. Then switched to Epitec as I started feeling flatlined just below happy/content. Then I started getting panic attacks and very emotional. Cried for no reason. Switched psychitrists, who chanhed my Serdep to Luvox and added Abiliy. Started getting even more panic attacks. Then she stopped the Luvox and Abilify and put me on Seroquel XR 100. Still the same issuez. Very emotional and anxious. Not at work, just at home. I feel crushed by the weight of stuff I need to do. Even a shower seems like too much effort most nights. At least I'm back to 2 or 3 a week. I see something I did weeks/days/yewrs ago and was happy with, and get all anxious that it could have been done better, could look better. I feel like a failure. I take no joy/pride in anything anymore. Part of me knows this is irrational, but my wheels keep spinning and the weight is almost more than I can bare. I think about suicide per hour, not per month like I used to. I was cruizing a yewr ago, now I'm in the dumps. Anyone else have such severe OCD/anxiety? I do not belive my bipolar diagnoses anymore. Something else must be at work here. I reach out socially to people on social media, only to feel ashamed and like a loser afterwardz. Right now I feel like I will die alone and misunderstood. I am looking into whom to contact to donate my brain and whole corpse for scientific research when I die. I don't even feel like leaving a trace behind to be buried or cremated. I just want to disappear.
Sorry for the long vent.
Hi @Viper_SA
I have a VERY strong impulse to immediately apologise whenever I have shared my feelings, especially if they are 'negative' or if I think that they can bring other people down. In addition, I always worry afterwards (on the very seldom occasion) when I do it that people will think less of me. So may I please say, at least personally speaking (but as someone who at least understands a little bit as to why we do it, although each of our circumstances and the way we experience things are very different), that there is NO need to (and please don't) say "Sorry for the long vent". In fact, once again, thank you very very much for the openness and for allowing others into your world - it can't be easy.
Nothing that I can say will change any of the things that you are feeling above. Some of the things that you said yourself shows that they will: The way that you felt a year ago shows that things go in ebbs and flows, the fact that "at least I'm back to 2 or 3 a week" shows that things are going better (not perfect, but better - and better is something that you can and should give yourself credit for - I know it's not that easy).
I haven't been where you are, but I do know to some extent how debilitating depression (I don't have bipolar - whether your diagnosis is correct or not - but I have been diagnosed with major depression), anxiety (I've never had a panic attack, but I do have generalised anxiety disorder and I basically have to function in a constant moderate {to sometimes worse} state of anxiety) coupled with OCD (I have that to a mild degree) can be and that when you are really in the (hell)hole, it feels as if there is absolutely no way that you will ever get out and as if it will only get deeper. However, it won't. Yourself of a year ago knew that and yourself of a month or three months (no way of predicting the time, as you would know) away from now will know that. But it's very very hard to get that "part of you" to talk to the rest of you now (sorry - I'm not trying to be patronising. I'm simply relaying my own experiences and that of many others I've chatted to and you have probably experienced it too. However, one kind of forgets it when you're in the hole).
There are people who care for you and who do not want you to disappear and who will be devastated. You are not alone, even when you feel very lonely. We still haven't met, but you know that you can phone me at absolutely any time.
Byt vas!
And if I may ask (I think this thread is of an open enough nature to do so) have you considered going to / gone to a good clinical psychologist? In my personal experience (and I am not specifically trained in mental health, but as part of my undergraduate studies I did do some modules and philosophy of mental health is kind of a sideline professional interest for me), medication alone very seldom does the trick. There are also many people who call themselves "therapists" (not a very well-regulated title at all), so IMO it is safest to stick to certified clinical psychologists (in conjunction with psychiatrists) for therapy.
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Camcolit 400mg twice daily and cipramil 20mg once.
Off the meds I am basically a nihilist who sees no point in doing anything and actually existing as a waste of time. I get frustrated easily and very aggro (esp road rage) generally end up displaying reckless behaviour in pursuit of thrills and entertainment.
On the meds I'm much calmer, and can actually find pleasure in most things and sustain the good mood.
The human body is a fascinating thing, something that becomes more evident when a part of it operates outside of spec.
@Viper_SA , as always, hold in there, if this psych is the right one you WILL eventually find the right combo of meds. Its a shitty journey but one hell of a destination.
PM me if you ever need to chat.
Seems the bloke I have been seeing on and off since 2005 has disappeared. I got an appointment for Tuesday at 19:00 with an Ilna Kruger. She is only in the Vaal on Tuesdays. Problem with so much in life, I seriously can't afford a psychologist full time, and my medical aid pays them from savings. We all know that is like 1 or 2 consultations. We have a program at work where I get 4 free consultations per hear through an Employee program. Problem is, in my area that leaves me with 3 choices. The dude I have been seeing since 2005 no longer affiliates with the program, and at R800 an hour, I can't afford it. Got a double pay bonus in Jan and a 3X bonus today. Still not out of debt. I spend too much when I'm down., lol. And I had so many things I wanted and HAD to do this year. Patience grasshopper, lol.
Oh - and I didn't actually answer your meds question @Viper_SA :
Exsira 100 mg - once in the mornings (SNRI - newer generation antidepressant - for depression and anxiety)
Inderal 30 mg - occasionally when needed (beta-blocker simply to control the physical symptoms of anxiety)
Urbanol 10 mg - occasionally when needed (for anxiety)
The above works as well as anything for me, but I've been through other stuff that works great for other people - but that didn't gel with me at all. Serdep (Zoloft) actually started having very adverse effects on me and they had to URGENTLY get me off before it did more damage. That seems to be the really horrible thing about psychiatric medicine. It is absolutely wonderful and vital to have it around, but it does not have such a generic efficiency as most other forms of medication and what really works for one person really does not for the next; so as you would know - the trial and error can take ages. However, it really sounds as if your current psychiatrist is not clutching around in the dark. As @craigb has said, shitty process - but well worth it.
I hear you. It is an expensive exercise and one of the things where medical aids like to cut on first (not being 'serious' and all that); pretty much also always coming out of savings. I am glad that you have an appointment with the Ilna Kruger lady though, and I hope that it will go very well.
Pure coincidence, I just saw this on news24 http://www.w24.co.za/Wellness/Mind/crying-enough-5-reasons-its-good-for-our-health-20170223
Never, ever apologise to anyone for letting your thoughts and feelings out...
I count myself as lucky as I haven't been on medication for many years now, I was on Urbanol last year for a while to help with anxiety and before that it was Luvox in my mid twenties. I have managed without medication for a long time now and I hope to continue doing so for as long as I can, although I fully understand it's place in managing mental issues. I have never believed that purely medication is a solution, you should see a psychologist/therapist/etc. along with any medication partly so that the affect of any medication is monitored and you have an outlet for what is going on in your head...
@Viper_SA - Keep moving forward, keep remembering the good times, remind yourself that the bad times will pass, remember that you are worth it, that you matter, that you are important and that you are loved! We are here for you...
Right now I'm switching from sad to pissed-off, at everything and everyone. Really snappy, but it makes me feel better, so they have take it. My mom's sister is going to theatre shortly for an operation. She was supposed to have the op last week, but went berserk and chased my mom out of her house. Now my mom is trying to guilt trip me into taking her to hospital, as she does not drive at night. Fck that. My sister has been MKA most of hr adult life, leaving me to take care of my mom and late father. Her sister has two children, so it's a case of 'not my circus, not my monkeys' to me. Not my favorite aunt anyway, and frankly, I could care less if she crokes or not. Why should I give up my time to fend for people who have two rich children who don't give a fck anyway. And the conetant updates on ber health on how sorry my mom feels for her is driving me up the fcking walls. I DON'T give a shit, why can't people just see that and pass along. Grrrr, think my new psychiatrist is right, I have more Borderline Personality traits than bipolar, and a moerse emotional disconnect to people that are not my freakin' problem.
You could punch a Telkom tech for me, and I could punch your Aunt? Kind of strangers on a train type deal?
Seriously though you need to watch "The Expanse" best show airing atm, will make you forget all this shit and wonder WTF we aren't in space yet.
*just joking FBI/NSA please don't put me on a list. JUST A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT BRO
Seriously though you need to watch "The Expanse" best show airing atm, will make you forget all this shit and wonder WTF we aren't in space yet.
*just joking FBI/NSA please don't put me on a list. JUST A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT BRO
Anyone heard from @brotiform lately?
I hear from him every now and then but he has retreated in to his shell a bit. He is at least working again...
I was on that around 2009. Worked quite wrll at the timd. Now nothing seems to work, lol. Ready to try 'alternative' medicines almost.
Good luck, bru - hope you come right
Hi @herb1
I was on Cipramil, of which Cilift is one of the generic equivalents, many years ago and then I switched over to Cilift for a short while. PLEASE NOTE that I am NOT a medical / healthcare professional, so what I say below is purely anecdotal and your cousin will have to discuss this with his / her GP / Psychiatrist in any case in order to get a new prescription, taper off the old / taper on the new meds etc.
Cipramil worked quite well for me with very few side effects, but when I was 'forced' by the medical aid to switch over to Cilift when it became available, I started experiencing significantly more side-effects (in general I have absolutely no problem with taking generic medication and I actually choose that option whenever available, so I'm quite sure that in this case it was not just a placebo effect). When I discussed this with my GP, he noted that he had had similar reports from many patients and from some of his colleagues. I then also queried this with a GP friend of mine, who noted the same pattern. I was then prescribed Cipralex, which is Escitalopram. This is claimed to be a refined and slightly more effective (also taken in lower dosages with possibly fewer side effects) than Citalopram (Cipramil / Cilift), but there are also arguments that this is essentially the same drug and simply an example of "evergreening" - a strategy by players in the pharmaceutical industry "to extend their monopoly privileges on the drug" (see http://thirdworld.nl/impact-of-ever...is-of-citalopram-escitalopram-antidepressants)
For me at least, I found that the Cipralex worked much better, with fewer side effects, than the Cilift and at least as well (if not better) than the Cipramil. Since a generic was not available (and to the best of my knowledge will still not be for some time), the medical aid also had to pay for it - but I'm sure that this will differ between medical aids / plans.
Alternatives would also largely depend on which side-effects your cousin is experiencing and what specifically he / she is taking the medication for (depression 'in isolation', a combination of depression and anxiety etc.)
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