#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

This time of the year the roads are quiet. It shouldn't be a problem. JHB is the best place to be over December, everybody buggers off.
 
Damn people, traffic was so quiet I'm a whole 2.5 hours early!Time for a breakfast I guess
 
Sandton sure has changed in the 4 years since I was here last
 
This time of the year the roads are quiet. It shouldn't be a problem. JHB is the best place to be over December, everybody buggers off.
Hahaha!

KZN is so full of cars over December we have people parking their cars on top of cars parked on other cars, I wonder if there is a correlation? :rolleyes:
 
Too bloody expensive to enjoy on my salary :(
 
Sheesh been so long since I had a stable net connection, **** Telkom really. How is everyone? I must say since getting my blood glucose under super tight control, I have been feeling a lot "lighter", I still get bleak from time to time but I feel as though I put so much effort in to managing the physical aspect of myself that I have become a lot more mindful of er well my mind too.

@Viper_SA hope your appt. went well and yeah Dec time all the vaalies are off destroying the beaches.
 
Sheesh been so long since I had a stable net connection, **** Telkom really. How is everyone? I must say since getting my blood glucose under super tight control, I have been feeling a lot "lighter", I still get bleak from time to time but I feel as though I put so much effort in to managing the physical aspect of myself that I have become a lot more mindful of er well my mind too.

Good to hear from you @Feliks Karp :wink:
 
So they are taking me off my diabetic medication, and ironically that is making me super nervous, it's actually really tame stuff that I'm on, but I keeping getting borderline hypoglycemic episodes especially when I'm asleep. I'm nervous, because I've worked extremely hard at getting my blood glucose down, and so far there is no evidence that I have any long term damage from when it was high and so I don't really want it creeping up again. This whole health thing has also made me very aware of my mortality, but with that the mortality of everyone I know, and every now and then I find myself experiencing anxiety over death, like I'm not doing enough with the little time I have on this planet.

On the bright side I've lost 22.5 kg :D
 
And...I'm less nervous my latest A1C is 5.0% which is totally normal down from 8% when I was diagnosed :D
 
Had to postpone my follow -up visits to the psychiatrist due to workload. Can't wait for Monday, and really hope she can help me. Last two weeks have been hell. Constant panic attack and many many thoughts of suicide and ending it all. I jsut can't handle the anxiety any longer. I do nothing, have no energy, and stress about everything that is nkt being done because I have no energy. At night I can't sleep, duting the day I can't keep my eyes open. I feel suffocated and like I don't fit in my.own skin. I cry for no reason, other than feeling like crying and feeling hopeless. I don't think that Luvox and Epitec are working for me. I have become increasingly agro, punching walls, and myself, again. One minute I want to kill everyone around me, the next I want to sit in a heap and cry while slitting my wrists. I have turned to stinkies and alcohol for the short term, but not really helping.

Just needed to vent
 
Had to postpone my follow -up visits to the psychiatrist due to workload. Can't wait for Monday, and really hope she can help me. Last two weeks have been hell. Constant panic attack and many many thoughts of suicide and ending it all. I jsut can't handle the anxiety any longer. I do nothing, have no energy, and stress about everything that is nkt being done because I have no energy. At night I can't sleep, duting the day I can't keep my eyes open. I feel suffocated and like I don't fit in my.own skin. I cry for no reason, other than feeling like crying and feeling hopeless. I don't think that Luvox and Epitec are working for me. I have become increasingly agro, punching walls, and myself, again. One minute I want to kill everyone around me, the next I want to sit in a heap and cry while slitting my wrists. I have turned to stinkies and alcohol for the short term, but not really helping.

Just needed to vent

I'm so sorry to hear that, it goes without say but please remember to be honest with the psychiatrist. I hope she can adjust your meds to help, even if it's just adding something to give you a lift to get through this. In my experience alcohol might let you feel better for a little while but then everything just feels much worse. Please stay strong and keep fighting even when it seems impossible, look forward to seeing the psychiatrist, help is there. I cannot know what you are feeling as all of our experiences are so different, but all I can say is that you have to try and fight against the darkness, even when you don't want to, even when you are tired. Please keep fighting.
 
Had to postpone my follow -up visits to the psychiatrist due to workload. Can't wait for Monday, and really hope she can help me. Last two weeks have been hell. Constant panic attack and many many thoughts of suicide and ending it all. I jsut can't handle the anxiety any longer. I do nothing, have no energy, and stress about everything that is nkt being done because I have no energy. At night I can't sleep, duting the day I can't keep my eyes open. I feel suffocated and like I don't fit in my.own skin. I cry for no reason, other than feeling like crying and feeling hopeless. I don't think that Luvox and Epitec are working for me. I have become increasingly agro, punching walls, and myself, again. One minute I want to kill everyone around me, the next I want to sit in a heap and cry while slitting my wrists. I have turned to stinkies and alcohol for the short term, but not really helping.

Just needed to vent
Hi Viper, I would not normally reply to items on this thread but your post has me worried. Having been in the same space you are describing I just wish to assure you that it does get better. It takes time, but this too will pass. Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

Hang in there buddy, there are more people rooting for you than you may be aware of.
 
Had to postpone my follow -up visits to the psychiatrist due to workload. Can't wait for Monday, and really hope she can help me. Last two weeks have been hell. Constant panic attack and many many thoughts of suicide and ending it all. I jsut can't handle the anxiety any longer. I do nothing, have no energy, and stress about everything that is nkt being done because I have no energy. At night I can't sleep, duting the day I can't keep my eyes open. I feel suffocated and like I don't fit in my.own skin. I cry for no reason, other than feeling like crying and feeling hopeless. I don't think that Luvox and Epitec are working for me. I have become increasingly agro, punching walls, and myself, again. One minute I want to kill everyone around me, the next I want to sit in a heap and cry while slitting my wrists. I have turned to stinkies and alcohol for the short term, but not really helping.

Just needed to vent
Hang in there my friend.
 
Had to postpone my follow -up visits to the psychiatrist due to workload. Can't wait for Monday, and really hope she can help me. Last two weeks have been hell. Constant panic attack and many many thoughts of suicide and ending it all. I jsut can't handle the anxiety any longer. I do nothing, have no energy, and stress about everything that is nkt being done because I have no energy. At night I can't sleep, duting the day I can't keep my eyes open. I feel suffocated and like I don't fit in my.own skin. I cry for no reason, other than feeling like crying and feeling hopeless. I don't think that Luvox and Epitec are working for me. I have become increasingly agro, punching walls, and myself, again. One minute I want to kill everyone around me, the next I want to sit in a heap and cry while slitting my wrists. I have turned to stinkies and alcohol for the short term, but not really helping.

Just needed to vent

Vent away bud, on here, on WhatsApp, to friends, in private and wherever you need so that you don't bottle it all up. We are here to lend an ear and some advice if you need it, the fact that you are still alive and kicking is testament to your strength. Keep fighting, keep at it, it will get better, it will get worse but move forward, day by day. Chin up, eyes forward, one foot in front of the other...


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Wow - I had no idea this thread existed. MUCH respect and gratitude to everyone that has been generous and brave enough to share their stories here. Some of the people that I respect most just happen to have mental illnesses. I lost my father, who was THE person I had, and always will have, the most respect for (and I wasn't alone - 1000 + people at his funeral) to suicide and I have my own daily battles with depression and anxiety. Once again, thank you to everyone sharing and commenting here for fighting the stigma (I myself am still sometimes cowardly about being open). @Viper_SA - We haven't interacted before and I can't say it nearly as well as @Neuk and others, but for the little bit that it's worth I'll also be thinking of you and I hope that your appointment with the Psychiatrist today really makes a difference. Sterkte!
 
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So, apparently anti-depressants don't do me good at all. Also, the damn professor I've been seeing in the Vaal had it all wrong. Bipolar is the least of my worries apparently. My anxiety and OCD issues are of far more concern to the new psychiatrist. As is my Borderline Personality and self-harm issues. Yes, I beat myself to a pulp sometimes, but has been dormant for very long, starting to rear it's ugly bead though. She stopped my Luvkx completely, kept me on Epitec, added a tranquilliser twice a day, and anough Seroquel (anti-psychotic) to keep a bull in a China shop calm. I'm tired as hell in the mornings, but I have that when I go on and off anti-depressants all the time, so not too worried. Feeling better, thanks for all the messages peeps. At least I got to cross off a few things from my Bucket List on Saturday, lol. Had sex for the first time in 5 years, had sex with someone other than my ex, had sex with a size 6 girl, and....... Well, gotta leave some mystery, don't I
 
So, apparently anti-depressants don't do me good at all. Also, the damn professor I've been seeing in the Vaal had it all wrong. Bipolar is the least of my worries apparently. My anxiety and OCD issues are of far more concern to the new psychiatrist. As is my Borderline Personality and self-harm issues. Yes, I beat myself to a pulp sometimes, but has been dormant for very long, starting to rear it's ugly bead though. She stopped my Luvkx completely, kept me on Epitec, added a tranquilliser twice a day, and anough Seroquel (anti-psychotic) to keep a bull in a China shop calm. I'm tired as hell in the mornings, but I have that when I go on and off anti-depressants all the time, so not too worried. Feeling better, thanks for all the messages peeps. At least I got to cross off a few things from my Bucket List on Saturday, lol. Had sex for the first time in 5 years, had sex with someone other than my ex, had sex with a size 6 girl, and....... Well, gotta leave some mystery, don't I
There @Viper_SA, rolling like a rock star!

Hope this is the corner and things start looking up for you dude!
 
So, apparently anti-depressants don't do me good at all. Also, the damn professor I've been seeing in the Vaal had it all wrong. Bipolar is the least of my worries apparently. My anxiety and OCD issues are of far more concern to the new psychiatrist. As is my Borderline Personality and self-harm issues. Yes, I beat myself to a pulp sometimes, but has been dormant for very long, starting to rear it's ugly bead though. She stopped my Luvkx completely, kept me on Epitec, added a tranquilliser twice a day, and anough Seroquel (anti-psychotic) to keep a bull in a China shop calm. I'm tired as hell in the mornings, but I have that when I go on and off anti-depressants all the time, so not too worried. Feeling better, thanks for all the messages peeps. At least I got to cross off a few things from my Bucket List on Saturday, lol. Had sex for the first time in 5 years, had sex with someone other than my ex, had sex with a size 6 girl, and....... Well, gotta leave some mystery, don't I

Hang in there @Viper_SA, I haven't been on medication in a long time but I do remember it taking some time to get to the correct mix and dosage, you'll find what works for you soon enough :wink: And congrats on the sex, lol!
 
Thanks for the compliments guys. No if only I can find a new date my long service award function on the 2nd of March. Preferable a beaut so that all the other guys' wives goes home "dikbek" at them for staring at my date the whole night.
 
So, apparently anti-depressants don't do me good at all. Also, the damn professor I've been seeing in the Vaal had it all wrong. Bipolar is the least of my worries apparently. My anxiety and OCD issues are of far more concern to the new psychiatrist. As is my Borderline Personality and self-harm issues. Yes, I beat myself to a pulp sometimes, but has been dormant for very long, starting to rear it's ugly bead though. She stopped my Luvkx completely, kept me on Epitec, added a tranquilliser twice a day, and anough Seroquel (anti-psychotic) to keep a bull in a China shop calm. I'm tired as hell in the mornings, but I have that when I go on and off anti-depressants all the time, so not too worried. Feeling better, thanks for all the messages peeps. At least I got to cross off a few things from my Bucket List on Saturday, lol. Had sex for the first time in 5 years, had sex with someone other than my ex, had sex with a size 6 girl, and....... Well, gotta leave some mystery, don't I
I'm glad that it went well @Viper_SA (of course - like you made clear, nothing of this nature suddenly turns spectacufabulous immediately, but it sounds like the new psych has a very clear direction in mind and that you are already feeling a bit better). And... on your Saturday night (absolutely no offense intended to you specifically or to anyone with the less flattering parts of the song - the focus is on the 'celebratory' part :D):

 
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The strongest and most brilliant minds are often the most troubled.

Never give up and never stop reaching out. It is not a burden to those who care. It's an honor to be there for you.


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