#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

Firstly , I am on my phone so bear with my responses if they seem short and sweet.

@TheLongTwitch and @wiesbang thank you so much for sharing your stories with us , I hope that you found a sense of clarity and relief in sharing that. The best therapy anyone can have is through talking and sharing , especially with those who understand the disease and how crippling it can be , especially in daily life.

Medication is nothing but a crutch in our lives and the only way to get through this is by mindset change. We need to be able to see ourselves how others perceive us , the members participating in this topic are mirrors and reflect ourselves back upon us.

The only way we can fully recover is to participate in discussion and therapy. We are bound by our condition and therefore we all have an immense bond without having any personal relationship. There is a love that we can share with each other because we can fully understand how difficult it can be to get out of bed everyday and look "alive".

I have been putting on the brave face for so long that I even had my doctors fooled into thinking I was ok. I had learned to lie to the extent that I thought I was ok when I truly wasn't.
I am learning this time around that only when you become brutally honest with yourself can you start the journey onwards and upwards.

The irrationality of suicidal tendencies is a dark , downward spiral that I wish upon no one. Once you reach that stage , you are so used to being in "auto pilot" that you forget emotion , you are hollow and empty. Being there , is exhausting. There is very little will or desire to push through because we are so emotionally broken at this point that it seems easier to give up than try fight this battle everyday.

People that do commit suicide are not cowards as "normal" society dictates , I believe them to have more courage than most to fully be able to proceed with what in most cases is a terribly traumatic and painful experience.

Nobody will ever understand that feeling until you get to the point where you have so little value in your own life , that you feel like you are a burden or liability to your loved ones.

Never forget , YOU ARE NOT WEAK, you are powerless to your disease , much like a cancer patient to their ailment. We can heal , but never truly cure our disease.
Medication can help , therapy can help , but speaking out can truly help us recover and heal ourselves from this pain we experience on a daily basis.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE , YOU ARE IMPORTANT , YOU MATTER AND YOU ARE LOVED.

I wish you all the love and light that life can offer you during this time , and KNOW that we are all in this together , and together we can succeed.

@wiesbang , I'll talk to you via pm regarding medical aid solutions.

Much love to all.
Grant

 
2876b35f1c7f44a27164450ac57decb4.jpg
 
Guys and girls i have read this whole thread and it saddens me to see so many people suffering.
I suffered depression when i was younger but thankfully for me i woke up one day and decided i did not want to be like that. I know that things are always easier said than done and some cant snap out of it as i did. Its not easy.
It took years of being positive and prayer. I am truly blessed. I still have anxiety attacks some times and i pray my way through them. And it passes.

I really hope that each one of u find that special drive u all have within u to know that YOU are precious, you are not alone and you are worth more than every breath you take.

May you all be blessed and find the strength within your selves to push forward and be the absolute best you can be! You are all super stars and i have u all in my prayers and thoughts.

Never give up. This too shall pass. Remember when u feeling down keep telling your self all is well even though it does not feel that way, but it starts a positive vibe. It worked for me.

Much love and strength to all of you suffering in one way or another. May your journeys from here on be smooth and pleasant.

Positive vibes sent ur way.

Sent from my SM-G800F using Tapatalk
 
I know I am not a guy but....

aa5c111e2655f9e9258e6fde16ffb8c8.jpg


I had this done last year after I "recovered" from a mental breakdown after years of depression, chronic pain and a failed attempt to take my own life.

This is the first time I have mentioned the attempt other than to my parents and Drs so this is quite a big step for me to admit it and on a public forum for that matter.

I still suffer from major depression and it is a big struggle every day and no one will ever understand what we go though and how tough it is just to get up every morning and having chronic pain with it is like living in hell.

The reason why people don't talk about it is because the world see people with a mental illness as crazy, weak, worthless and the list is endless. Don't even get me started on what they think about people who commit or try to commit suicide.
Yes we have tried to hold on or be strong!
Yes we do think about the people we leave behind and that sucks (don't know how else to say it)
No we are not weak or selfish!
No one will ever understand what we are going through or feeling so stop judging!

And most of the time the people with the worst depression are the ones who seem to be the happiest... just look at Robin Williams
4855ef6f79cfcf269cb30755290c4da0.jpg

The people that know me will tell you I am always happy and smiling but that is the mask we have to put up every day.

Back to my tattoo i had the 3 dots added, for me it means there is more to come.

;...

@Neuk and @brotiform BIG hug!!!
Beautiful

Sent from my SM-G800F using Tapatalk
 
Guys and girls i have read this whole thread and it saddens me to see so many people suffering.
I suffered depression when i was younger but thankfully for me i woke up one day and decided i did not want to be like that. I know that things are always easier said than done and some cant snap out of it as i did. Its not easy.
It took years of being positive and prayer. I am truly blessed. I still have anxiety attacks some times and i pray my way through them. And it passes.

I really hope that each one of u find that special drive u all have within u to know that YOU are precious, you are not alone and you are worth more than every breath you take.

May you all be blessed and find the strength within your selves to push forward and be the absolute best you can be! You are all super stars and i have u all in my prayers and thoughts.

Never give up. This too shall pass. Remember when u feeling down keep telling your self all is well even though it does not feel that way, but it starts a positive vibe. It worked for me.

Much love and strength to all of you suffering in one way or another. May your journeys from here on be smooth and pleasant.

Positive vibes sent ur way.

Sent from my SM-G800F using Tapatalk

Thanks for sharing your story , your road to recovery is inspiring! :)
 
@TheLongTwitch, @wiesbang, @footpeg and of course, my good friend @brotiform, thank you for sharing your stories with us, I can only imagine how hard it is to put them down in words. I am struggling to find the right words to respond to your stories but there is one theme that is common to all your stories, that of not giving up no matter what. I subscribe to a number of groups and got this article last night which gets a point across better than I could...

https://themighty.com/2016/09/a-message-to-people-who-are-struggling-right-now/

"To the people who are struggling right now,

I first want to tell you that you are not imagining this. You are not “insane.” There is nothing wrong with you.

You are broken right now, yes, but you are also beautiful. You can be both at the same time.

I know right now it seems like nothing will ever be right again. I know it feels like there is nothing good left in this world, like there is nothing worth holding on for.

I know some days all you can do is sit on your bed and cry, and I know it feels like no one understands what you’re going through.

I get the crushing weight you feel in your chest, the way your stomach clenches and your hands shake, the way your mind is a whirlwind of thoughts that you can’t even begin to sift through right now.

I understand how your heart aches for no reason, how you feel numb even on the best of days.

I get how you feel alone even when you’re surrounded by a room full of people you used to be comfortable with.

I understand that you’re struggling. Because I’ve been there.

I’ve been at the point where getting out of bed feels pointless, where you want to be locked alone in your room and held by someone at the same time.

I have struggled.

And I am struggling.

And I will struggle for the rest of my life, probably.

But I’m also surviving, and living, and laughing, which I never thought I’d ever be able to say again.

So to the people who are struggling, I want to say that I know how endless this feels to you right now. And I can’t promise you that one day it will magically disappear and everything will be OK. But I can say with certainty that it will get better. One day, the weight in your chest will feel a little lighter. And it’ll only take you nine minutes to get up the courage to venture out of your bed instead of 10. And you’ll want to be around people again.

And when you smile, you’ll actually mean it. I promise."

Candice Todd
 
@TheLongTwitch, @wiesbang, @footpeg and of course, my good friend @brotiform, thank you for sharing your stories with us, I can only imagine how hard it is to put them down in words. I am struggling to find the right words to respond to your stories but there is one theme that is common to all your stories, that of not giving up no matter what. I subscribe to a number of groups and got this article last night which gets a point across better than I could...

https://themighty.com/2016/09/a-message-to-people-who-are-struggling-right-now/

"To the people who are struggling right now,

I first want to tell you that you are not imagining this. You are not “insane.” There is nothing wrong with you.

You are broken right now, yes, but you are also beautiful. You can be both at the same time.

I know right now it seems like nothing will ever be right again. I know it feels like there is nothing good left in this world, like there is nothing worth holding on for.

I know some days all you can do is sit on your bed and cry, and I know it feels like no one understands what you’re going through.

I get the crushing weight you feel in your chest, the way your stomach clenches and your hands shake, the way your mind is a whirlwind of thoughts that you can’t even begin to sift through right now.

I understand how your heart aches for no reason, how you feel numb even on the best of days.

I get how you feel alone even when you’re surrounded by a room full of people you used to be comfortable with.

I understand that you’re struggling. Because I’ve been there.

I’ve been at the point where getting out of bed feels pointless, where you want to be locked alone in your room and held by someone at the same time.

I have struggled.

And I am struggling.

And I will struggle for the rest of my life, probably.

But I’m also surviving, and living, and laughing, which I never thought I’d ever be able to say again.

So to the people who are struggling, I want to say that I know how endless this feels to you right now. And I can’t promise you that one day it will magically disappear and everything will be OK. But I can say with certainty that it will get better. One day, the weight in your chest will feel a little lighter. And it’ll only take you nine minutes to get up the courage to venture out of your bed instead of 10. And you’ll want to be around people again.

And when you smile, you’ll actually mean it. I promise."

Candice Todd
Thanks Nic

That was very beautiful!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 
Today , I am rock bottom.

I lay here on my bed in despair. The only things crossing my mind are suicide and buying drugs and getting lost in a place where I don't have to be me.

I am in that space where I feel trapped , alone and emotionless. I have no appetite , nor will ad desire.

I want to give up , more than ever , I just want to stop feeling this emotionless exhaustion. I am so tired of fighting every day only to make no progress or steps to recovery.

I am alone where I am not alone...
 
Today , I am rock bottom.

I lay here on my bed in despair. The only things crossing my mind are suicide and buying drugs and getting lost in a place where I don't have to be me.

I am in that space where I feel trapped , alone and emotionless. I have no appetite , nor will ad desire.

I want to give up , more than ever , I just want to stop feeling this emotionless exhaustion. I am so tired of fighting every day only to make no progress or steps to recovery.

I am alone where I am not alone...
Chin up bud its not easy but u have plenty people rooting for u and believing in u. U have the power to change ur situation. Only you can do it. U have a support system and a place to talk. May that feeling u have become a good feeling. The positive side is u are still feeling something. May you be blessed with positivity and good @brotiform. U are stronger than you know and can get through this remember the only way from the bottom is up. Just take baby steps one day at a time. There is no rush to healing. It will come with time.
8a53c4c2632f2a6ea68a61f6c6b34159.jpg


Sent from my SM-G800F using Tapatalk
 
My heart goes out to you @brotiform :iloveyou:

Everything you have written thus far has resounded with me and I feel EXACTLY as you do!
It doesn't help knowing that there is someone suffering as much as you are, but it may just ease your emptiness just a little bit to know that you started something good here in this thread!

It may be vapers in general, or the awesome community we have on this forum;
But there is a lot of love in this thread....especially for you bro!:icon12:

I wish there was something easy to say or do!!!
(but we both know that there isn't, or we'd have an easier time dealing with this)

What you should know is:
Your post, although sad, is going to have and cause so much love to be thrown your way over the next few hours of people reading it and wanting to give you reason to push forward, that you only need hang in there a few minutes before you see the kindness and amazing love for you and your current pain.

Hang in there!
....if only for a few short minutes, but the love is coming!
You'll see!!!! :jump:

P.S. Ecigssa members; please prove me right!;):D
 
The courageous people in this thread and you, @brotiform, have touched my soul and given me hope for humanity. Stephen Covey said: "To touch the soul of another human being is to walk on holy ground.". If you can spark that, there is hope for you and all of us.
 
I feel like a ******* cigarette.

I succeeded once in killing myself but the void decided to throw me back, so I often wonder if there is in fact any point in trying again. Which is when I usually smoke, because it seems to fufill my death drive without actually commiting to something that I'll probably fail at again.

Alot of trivial (in the greater scheme of things) but trying things have happened in the last week, and I'm just at a point where I feel like I may just fall down. I feel such guilt because I'm not starving nor living in my own filth as so many people all around the planet do, but I feel like life just enjoys whispering sweet nothings to me while it penetrates me roughly.

I feel stranded in a murky ocean where things swim passed my legs, chewing at my flesh, while the dead drift around me, whispering.
 
I feel like a ******* cigarette.

I succeeded once in killing myself but the void decided to throw me back, so I often wonder if there is in fact any point in trying again. Which is when I usually smoke, because it seems to fufill my death drive without actually commiting to something that I'll probably fail at again.

Alot of trivial (in the greater scheme of things) but trying things have happened in the last week, and I'm just at a point where I feel like I may just fall down. I feel such guilt because I'm not starving nor living in my own filth as so many people all around the planet do, but I feel like life just enjoys whispering sweet nothings to me while it penetrates me roughly.

I feel stranded in a murky ocean where things swim passed my legs, chewing at my flesh, while the dead drift around me, whispering.

You better hang into this reality, I honor your opinions, sarcasm and irreverent nature... I know you have been having a rough week, hang in there...
 
I'd like to thank all of you yesterday for the very positive , inspiring and kind words! I was in a bad headspace and it was touching to read the messages of love and support from each and every one of you.

I can not express my gratitude towards all of you but I am thankful for all of you!

My message to everyone for the day :

You are important , you matter , you are loved. You may not see it , you may not feel it and you may not believe it , but you ARE IT!
Do not let your depression define who you are as a person. Your depression makes up just one tiny part of your being , and is overshadowed by all of your beautiful qualities and you deserve to know that.

Chin up , eyes forward and one foot in front of the other. Even if it's one step at a time , it is progress and you are on the right track. Depression may have won a battle , but we'll win the war. We will come out better , stronger and more alive then ever before.

Yesterday I let depression win by taking passive steps , today I have a positive attitude and I am choosing to be proactive. If you feel low , speak out , time out or walk out of where you currently are. Lets make the changes before we get down.

I am not one for motivational speaking like the individuals in this thread , but I wish you all a very happy friday and remind you that you've made it , you're alive and you keep being your beautiful self everyday!

 
Today, I have had a bad day, I am drained from work and training this week and simply not dealing with the thoughts and emotions floating around my head. I won't let it get to me though, I will push on, I will take what I need to from today and hope that I wake up tomorrow in a better space...

3A5A7F16-4F7B-44FD-9937-6E0D40CDEF59_1.png


#ITSOKTOTALK
 
Today, I have had a bad day, I am drained from work and training this week and simply not dealing with the thoughts and emotions floating around my head. I won't let it get to me though, I will push on, I will take what I need to from today and hope that I wake up tomorrow in a better space...

3A5A7F16-4F7B-44FD-9937-6E0D40CDEF59_1.png


#ITSOKTOTALK
de1e24a6a083c51eb2f4a7f182654ff0.jpg


Here for you!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 
Just got the news I am going for an interview at TARA for their 8 week inpatient program , psychotherapy ward , as I am too high of a suicide risk.
 
Back
Top