#ITSOKAYTOTALK - Mental Illness

Waine said:
One of the problems with having a mental condition and vaping is, one tends to "comfort spend" to feel good. So, we buy vaping gear to get that dopamine rush, the feeling of control and satisfaction. It's a "rabbit hole."


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I know all too well how far down this rabbit hole goes. Only recently (read "in the last 8 months") I managed to get my life back in order, the rush of spending was something I enjoyed so much I ended up putting myself is massive amounts of debt.
Something that really helped me with controlling it was to talk to someone before making any big purchase, sometimes it helped to snap myself back to reality. Especially when you are looking at dropping a couple grand on something that you really don't need and will probably forget about in a short time.
 
craigb said:
:-(
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The usual crap. I can deal with the #mentalhealth or trying to pay rent. Not both.

Just need to figure out the next month or 2 then I'm back on track.
 
craigb said:
The usual crap. I can deal with the #mentalhealth or trying to pay rent. Not both.

Just need to figure out the next month or 2 then I'm back on track.
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You'll figure it out and then you'll have these months again, such is life at times but we do the best we can and move forward...


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A buddy of mine was feeling down this weekend, so we went and hung out over a cup of Joe. Something he said really resonated with me, he said he was sick of feeling ostracized for being depressed, and we got to talking about a subject that's actually a personal pain in my ass, "positive people".

It irks me to no ******* end that society appears to relate mental illness solely with "negativity". Anyone who has either suffered a bout of depression or has chronic depression, has had the "just cheer up" experience, and I blame it on society's obsession with being "positive". Someone who is literally positive about every damn thing or completely omits negative events/experiences/feelings is suffering from delusions and I'd go as far as to call it borderline psychosis.

What happened to the middle-ground? Why do people not get taught to be realistic, why is it seemingly forgotten that life is caught in the ebb and flow of both aspects?

I'm bold enough to blame a lot of depression on this idiotic concept that embracing only the positive reaps rewards. How can anyone expect to have a healthy balanced perspective without realising that light casts a shadow, and there are nights where the moon isn't full?
 
@Feliks Karp I hear you dude, it was something that ended up with me cutting connections off with half my family. I could not just handle the "just cheer up" "happiness is choice" and all that other crap. Over the years I have learnt to just ride the waves, I can feel when a low is coming on and that is what is normal.
Permanent positivity is something that has concerned me, since my experiences with people who seem to always be positive "usually" (though read: not always, not trying to brush everyone at once) seem to get their backs up against depression and being down. I concern is people usually hate what reminds them of their own flaws and weaknesses. I wonder if the positity that society wears is nothing more than a mask to hide the real people behind?

(PS.. I am also on some serious meds at the moment so this may just be the painkillers rambling :sweatsmile:)
 
Feliks Karp said:
A buddy of mine was feeling down this weekend, so we went and hung out over a cup of Joe. Something he said really resonated with me, he said he was sick of feeling ostracized for being depressed, and we got to talking about a subject that's actually a personal pain in my ass, "positive people".

It irks me to no ******* end that society appears to relate mental illness solely with "negativity". Anyone who has either suffered a bout of depression or has chronic depression, has had the "just cheer up" experience, and I blame it on society's obsession with being "positive". Someone who is literally positive about every damn thing or completely omits negative events/experiences/feelings is suffering from delusions and I'd go as far as to call it borderline psychosis.

What happened to the middle-ground? Why do people not get taught to be realistic, why is it seemingly forgotten that life is caught in the ebb and flow of both aspects?

I'm bold enough to blame a lot of depression on this idiotic concept that embracing only the positive reaps rewards. How can anyone expect to have a healthy balanced perspective without realising that light casts a shadow, and there are nights where the moon isn't full?
Click to expand...

I can highly recommend a book by Rick Hanson called Hardwiring Happiness. His premise is that our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative aspects of life because they have survival value. It's better to assume there's a tiger in the bush when there isn't one than to assume there are no tigers in the bush and there is one. But in modern day life a lot of the negative problems (relationships, finances, social ills) are not worth focusing on constantly as our brain's automated negative response don't help to spur us into action. In short negative experiences are like velcro for our brain and positive experiences are like teflon (we discard them because they aren't as useful as negative experiences).

The majority of the book is how to hardwire your brain to really take in positive experiences. Our life is full of them but we don't distribute our energy equally between positive and negative experiences. He gives practical tips for experiencing positivity and not generating it artificially. This means that we build neural pathways that allow us to take in positive experiences and those pathways are available to us when the chips are down.

This book is not a cure for mental illness and no-one should struggling with a mental illness should replace medication or professional help with this book but it does help to build resilience and learn valuable coping mechanisms without being that annoying positive person we hate so much.

For me the book has largely helped me gain perspective. It has helped me realise that I have a great deal to be happy about. Does this help me be less anxious? No. Does it help me avoid stressful situations? No. But it does give perspective in that the bad things, as bad as they may be, don't define my life.

Hope this helps someone in some small way.
 
Feliks Karp said:
A buddy of mine was feeling down this weekend, so we went and hung out over a cup of Joe. Something he said really resonated with me, he said he was sick of feeling ostracized for being depressed, and we got to talking about a subject that's actually a personal pain in my ass, "positive people".

It irks me to no ******* end that society appears to relate mental illness solely with "negativity". Anyone who has either suffered a bout of depression or has chronic depression, has had the "just cheer up" experience, and I blame it on society's obsession with being "positive". Someone who is literally positive about every damn thing or completely omits negative events/experiences/feelings is suffering from delusions and I'd go as far as to call it borderline psychosis.

What happened to the middle-ground? Why do people not get taught to be realistic, why is it seemingly forgotten that life is caught in the ebb and flow of both aspects?

I'm bold enough to blame a lot of depression on this idiotic concept that embracing only the positive reaps rewards. How can anyone expect to have a healthy balanced perspective without realising that light casts a shadow, and there are nights where the moon isn't full?
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, too many have this view that one can simply snap out of it and cheer up, when they are feeling down or depressed. In reality it is not that simple at all although one must take acknowledge their mental state, take responsibility for accepting it and actively work on doing whatever they can to manage it.

In terms of the "positive people", we live in an instant gratification society that feeds on social media, where generally we only get to see or experience the positive experiences of peoples lives but very rarely the stress, strain, negativity, pressure, etc. being positive 100% of the time is completely unrealistic, like you say, there are moments or times in life when one gets stressed or worried but this is completely normal. I am not against being positive at all, I am sure it can do wonders at the worst of times, but the belief that you always have to be and if you aren't there is something wrong is a huge issue in society today.
 
Just an update, or rather my view. You can a hundred people about your demons, but you have to fight them alone. No one can fight them for you. It does help to know your not the only one, but at the end of the day you stand alone against your dark side. Only YOU can overcome the darkness through acceptance and prayer.
 
Neuk said:
Unfortunately, too many have this view that one can simply snap out of it and cheer up, when they are feeling down or depressed. In reality it is not that simple at all although one must take acknowledge their mental state, take responsibility for accepting it and actively work on doing whatever they can to manage it.

In terms of the "positive people", we live in an instant gratification society that feeds on social media, where generally we only get to see or experience the positive experiences of peoples lives but very rarely the stress, strain, negativity, pressure, etc. being positive 100% of the time is completely unrealistic, like you say, there are moments or times in life when one gets stressed or worried but this is completely normal. I am not against being positive at all, I am sure it can do wonders at the worst of times, but the belief that you always have to be and if you aren't there is something wrong is a huge issue in society today.
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An interesting article...

https://themighty.com/2017/07/honest-selfies-mental-illness/
 
Viper_SA said:
Just an update, or rather my view. You can a hundred people about your demons, but you have to fight them alone. No one can fight them for you. It does help to know your not the only one, but at the end of the day you stand alone against your dark side. Only YOU can overcome the darkness through acceptance and prayer.
Click to expand...

I agree 100% that the bulk of the battle is your own but don't underestimate the power of support from friends, family and loved ones :wink:
 
Just an update. Been a week since I moved back home. Coping well enough alone, but today is one of those days I wish I had a girlfriend to go and have coffee with just to have something to look forward to. Just to be close to someone and feel like I belong somewhere and that someone cares. Just a little affection and intimacy, not even sex, just to be with someone and cuddle. Other than that, my hole seems to have become a bit more shallow and at times I see the sunshine again.
 
Viper_SA said:
Just an update. Been a week since I moved back home. Coping well enough alone, but today is one of those days I wish I had a girlfriend to go and have coffee with just to have something to look forward to. Just to be close to someone and feel like I belong somewhere and that someone cares. Just a little affection and intimacy, not even sex, just to be with someone and cuddle. Other than that, my hole seems to have become a bit more shallow and at times I see the sunshine again.
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That is great to hear bud I know what it feels like to feel lonely but being alone has its benefits and is part of our growth, never forget that!


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Today I'm having one of those guilt-trip days. Took yesterday easy, well easy in my book. Cleaned out my rodent cages, did the week's laundry and fed all my Snakes. Today I have that guilty feeling that I didn't do enough yesterday and feel a little overwhelmed by the small tasks I have to do, like watering the snakes and checking who ate and who didn't.
Just another melancholic Sunday blues day. I could have, I should have, I still need to kind of days. Starting to think a psychologist is need with my meds from the psychiatrist. If only medical aids weren't so useless.
 
Viper_SA said:
Today I'm having one of those guilt-trip days. Took yesterday easy, well easy in my book. Cleaned out my rodent cages, did the week's laundry and fed all my Snakes. Today I have that guilty feeling that I didn't do enough yesterday and feel a little overwhelmed by the small tasks I have to do, like watering the snakes and checking who ate and who didn't.
Just another melancholic Sunday blues day. I could have, I should have, I still need to kind of days. Starting to think a psychologist is need with my meds from the psychiatrist. If only medical aids weren't so useless.
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@Viper_SA I know that feeling all to well.

That elephant that needs eating and the nausea caused by the mere thought of it. Starting one thing but that leading to the next before its finished and a chain of such events resulting in many things started but nothing finished at the end of the day. Yeah, having one of those days right now as a matter of fact.

Tell you what, lets each pick one thing and one thing only. Do that not allowing us to get side tracked by thoughts of all the other things. Only thinking and moving to the next once that one is done. Lets see what we can accomplish by the end of this day, 16:00, and then allowing ourselves some time to chill. It's ok to chill. As long as we get one thing completely done each day, that elephant will get eaten, even if it means doing so in installments.

It is the only way to do so in any case...

Regards
 
Raindance said:
@Viper_SA I know that feeling all to well.

That elephant that needs eating and the nausea caused by the mere thought of it. Starting one thing but that leading to the next before its finished and a chain of such events resulting in many things started but nothing finished at the end of the day. Yeah, having one of those days right now as a matter of fact.

Tell you what, lets each pick one thing and one thing only. Do that not allowing us to get side tracked by thoughts of all the other things. Only thinking and moving to the next once that one is done. Lets see what we can accomplish by the end of this day, 16:00, and then allowing ourselves some time to chill. It's ok to chill. As long as we get one thing completely done each day, that elephant will get eaten, even if it means doing so in installments.

It is the only way to do so in any case...

Regards
Click to expand...

Just had Sunday lunch at mom's place. At least I ironed my shirts for the week and washed the dishes at home. I'm a lazy bastard with dishes. By the time it hits me the whole kitchen is full of coffee mugs. Thinking of mixing some juice later or taking an afternoon nap. So far it's 3:1 in the nap's favour :D
 
Viper_SA said:
Just had Sunday lunch at mom's place. At least I ironed my shirts for the week and washed the dishes at home. I'm a lazy bastard with dishes. By the time it hits me the whole kitchen is full of coffee mugs. Thinking of mixing some juice later or taking an afternoon nap. So far it's 3:1 in the nap's favour :D
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Well done for getting some chores done. I find it always helps to have those daily tasks and chores squared away. There's truth to the theory that a tidy, organised home helps one's mind to be tidy and organised as well.

Keep doing these little things. They don't seem important but they can have a significant impact on mental health.

One day at a time...
 
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