Asking WHY makes you WHY-ser
WHY:
Why does my dog sit outside staring at the stars, instead of doing her last business of the day, then 10 minutes after I’m tucked up in bed with my book and vape, she wants to go out?
BECAUSE:
I’m none the why-ser, so you tell me!
WHY:
Why does my dog sit outside staring at the stars, instead of doing her last business of the day, then 10 minutes after I’m tucked up in bed with my book and vape, she wants to go out?
BECAUSE:
I’m none the why-ser, so you tell me!
Lockdown Puns
Author unknown
This lock-down is getting old and frankly I've had enough. I've discussed the matter over a cup of coffee with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything.
Same with the fridge. He only gives cold comfort. I asked the lamp but she couldn't shed any new light on the situation.
The vacuum cleaner was rather rude and told me to suck it up. The threshold was no better, it suggested I get over it.
The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug. But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over.
The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn't offer an opinion.
The wall didn't say a word either, just gave me a blank stare.
The door knob was more forthcoming - told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on.
The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to.... you guessed it right - pull myself together.
Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked, I didn't have a leg to stand on. When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said that my comments reflected poorly on my thinking.
However, in the end, the iron set things straight. She said everything will be fine. No situation is too pressing for long anyways.
Author unknown
This lock-down is getting old and frankly I've had enough. I've discussed the matter over a cup of coffee with the kitchen sink, and we both agree that the experience is draining.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts the wrong spin on everything.
Same with the fridge. He only gives cold comfort. I asked the lamp but she couldn't shed any new light on the situation.
The vacuum cleaner was rather rude and told me to suck it up. The threshold was no better, it suggested I get over it.
The carpet advised me to sweep my feelings under the rug. But the fan was more upbeat and thought that the crisis would soon blow over.
The toilet looked a bit flushed and didn't offer an opinion.
The wall didn't say a word either, just gave me a blank stare.
The door knob was more forthcoming - told me to get a firm grip on the situation and move on.
The front door declared I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to.... you guessed it right - pull myself together.
Then the chair told me to table it, and the table remarked, I didn't have a leg to stand on. When I told the table to break a leg, the mirror said that my comments reflected poorly on my thinking.
However, in the end, the iron set things straight. She said everything will be fine. No situation is too pressing for long anyways.
These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History —
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Puns and One-liners
After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent.
I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you mean your mother.
After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent.
I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you mean your mother.
When one door closes and another opens, you are probably in prison.
I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain!
My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied some lubricant!
My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied some lubricant!
... no stopping here, just a slow down
These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History —
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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