Puns and One-liners
I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
This anecdote about prime minister Churchill's word showdown with viscountess and known to be the first female member of the Parliament, Nancy Astor, is, perhaps, the most well-known.
It was a common fact in those times that these two figures have a mutual dislike for each other and couldn’t be in each other’s company without a battle of words ensuing.
The most familiar duel of words between Churchill and Astor happened when the latter visited Blenheim and it so happened that the WWII leader was also there. Nancy Astor was said to have commented “If I were your wife I would poison your coffee…”
To which Sir Winston Churchill promptly replied with “And if I were your husband, I would drink it”.
It was a common fact in those times that these two figures have a mutual dislike for each other and couldn’t be in each other’s company without a battle of words ensuing.
The most familiar duel of words between Churchill and Astor happened when the latter visited Blenheim and it so happened that the WWII leader was also there. Nancy Astor was said to have commented “If I were your wife I would poison your coffee…”
To which Sir Winston Churchill promptly replied with “And if I were your husband, I would drink it”.
It was said that while Churchill was leaving the House of Commons sometime in 1946, MP Bessie Braddock hit him with an insult saying “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.”
Churchill fired back at her with an insult, too, saying “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.”
Churchill fired back at her with an insult, too, saying “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.”
Churchill on Attitude
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it."
"I am easily satisfied with the very best."
"Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."
"I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod."
"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes."
"We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy."
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
"Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it."
"I am easily satisfied with the very best."
"Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."
"I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod."
"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often."
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes."
"We (The British) have not journeyed across the centuries, across the oceans, across the mountains, across the prairies, because we are made of sugar candy."
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
Who collected stamps?
Asking WHY makes you WHY-ser
WHY:
Why is a keyboard not arranged alphabetically?
BECAUSE:
They did try this with the typewriter, although it did not end well. People started typing so quickly that they caused the metal arms to get stuck! This is no longer a problem, but most of us are now used to QWERTY anyway.
WHY:
Why is a keyboard not arranged alphabetically?
BECAUSE:
They did try this with the typewriter, although it did not end well. People started typing so quickly that they caused the metal arms to get stuck! This is no longer a problem, but most of us are now used to QWERTY anyway.
what's that address again.... need to send it to my Mother in Law to go give them a visit...
These hilarious real life exchanges recorded by court reporters are from a book called Disorder in the Court: Great Fractured Moments in Courtroom History —
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
Puns and One-liners
Tennis players have a hard time in relationships because love means nothing to them.
I thought my nose was bleeding, but it’s not. (it’s not = it’s snot)
I hated my job at the fireworks factory. I got fired a lot.
Tennis players have a hard time in relationships because love means nothing to them.
I thought my nose was bleeding, but it’s not. (it’s not = it’s snot)
I hated my job at the fireworks factory. I got fired a lot.
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