Dirty Lol's Thread
- Thread starter Gizmo
- Start date
What food?
Guys, excuse my ignorance, I do not follow the Kardashiens, is the lady sitting next to the redheaded grandson of that hotel chain boss the one the Queen is calling ‘Not White’?
Regards
Meghan Markle refers to herself as "a person of colour", as her mother is apparently an African American.
African Americans don't care whether one of their parents happened to be white, or any nationality for that matter, they consider partial African American as African American {full stop}
A man with no arms and legs is sunbathing on a beach.
He is approached by three beautiful women, who look at him with pitying expressions.
The first asks him if he has ever been hugged.
He shakes his head, so she gives him a big hug.
The second asks if he’s ever been kissed.
He shakes his head and she kisses him.
The third asks him if he’s ever been fucked.
He shakes his head, his eyes lighting up.
“Well, you are now,” she says. “The tide’s coming in.”
He is approached by three beautiful women, who look at him with pitying expressions.
The first asks him if he has ever been hugged.
He shakes his head, so she gives him a big hug.
The second asks if he’s ever been kissed.
He shakes his head and she kisses him.
The third asks him if he’s ever been fucked.
He shakes his head, his eyes lighting up.
“Well, you are now,” she says. “The tide’s coming in.”
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him…
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies: "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly: "Uhh, no, I’m your son’s teacher."
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies: "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says: "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly: "Uhh, no, I’m your son’s teacher."
A clearly drunk old man walks over and says to him, "Hey boy! Guess what! I saw your little sister naked! Wotcha gonna do about it pussy?"
The guy says "Nothing. Go and sit down and leave me alone."
10 minutes later the old man comes back and says "Oy young fella! I once touched your Granny's muff! Take a swing of you dare!"
The guy says "I told you before to leave me alone! Go away!"
Another 10 minutes pass and the old man stumbles back over to the guy and slurs, "Listen here you little turd! I f@#ked your mom! Fight me you *****!"
At this point the guy loses his temper and yells to the old man, "Quit trying to get a rise out of me you drunk old prick! I'm not going to fight you! Go home Dad!"
The guy says "Nothing. Go and sit down and leave me alone."
10 minutes later the old man comes back and says "Oy young fella! I once touched your Granny's muff! Take a swing of you dare!"
The guy says "I told you before to leave me alone! Go away!"
Another 10 minutes pass and the old man stumbles back over to the guy and slurs, "Listen here you little turd! I f@#ked your mom! Fight me you *****!"
At this point the guy loses his temper and yells to the old man, "Quit trying to get a rise out of me you drunk old prick! I'm not going to fight you! Go home Dad!"
A college professor is experiencing a “slow-down” in his sex-life with his wife…
… so he is trying to figure out how to spice it up. He is hearing that there is a foreign student who has a lot of luck with girls on the campus so he decides to ask him for advice.
“Paolo, how are you doing it?”
“Well, professor, right before I am about to do it with a girl, I whip my junk out and slam it on a wall 3 times. Girls love it for some reason.”
The professor decides to take the rest of the day off to surprise his wife and have a “romantic” afternoon.
He comes home and hears that his wife is taking a shower. He undresses and walks into the bathroom. There is steam on the shower glass so his wife is not seeing him just yet…
… He whips out his “package” and slams it on the glass shower door 3 times.
His wife jumps up and down excitedly: “Paolo, is that you?”
… so he is trying to figure out how to spice it up. He is hearing that there is a foreign student who has a lot of luck with girls on the campus so he decides to ask him for advice.
“Paolo, how are you doing it?”
“Well, professor, right before I am about to do it with a girl, I whip my junk out and slam it on a wall 3 times. Girls love it for some reason.”
The professor decides to take the rest of the day off to surprise his wife and have a “romantic” afternoon.
He comes home and hears that his wife is taking a shower. He undresses and walks into the bathroom. There is steam on the shower glass so his wife is not seeing him just yet…
… He whips out his “package” and slams it on the glass shower door 3 times.
His wife jumps up and down excitedly: “Paolo, is that you?”
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