I bow to your superior knowledgeYea, no, don't see how that's any stealthier
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Dirty Lol's Thread
- Thread starter Gizmo
- Start date
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just saw this on a friends fb... EISH! AWKWARD!
I saw this on Instagram.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. He sees a HUGE jar on the back of the bar, stuffed full of $5 bills. "What's that jar for, sir?"
Oh, that's for our standing bar bet. It cost $5 to enter and if you win, you get all the money."
"Must be pretty hard. How much money is in there?"
"Well, over $5,000 by now. And it is a difficult bet but I can't tell you what the bet consists of until you put your money in."
the guy is intrigued and has a couple of shots before giving the bartender $5, and says, "Ok, tell me about this bet."
"Well, it's a 3-part bet. First, you see that big motherf#cker over by the pool table? You've gotta knock him out with one punch."
The guy looks over a sees a huge man, 300 pounds of pure muscle. "Wow, that's scary. What's the second part?"
The bartender points at the back door. "Out back, we've got a rottweiler with an abscess tooth. Every year that tooth gets nastier and nastier, and every year that rottweiler gets meaner and meaner. You've gotta pull out that abscess tooth."
"Holy crap! I'm scared to ask what the third part is..."
"Well, you see that fat ***** at the end of the bar?"
The guy looks down the bar to see a 400 pound, toothless woman. The ugliest woman he's ever seen. "...yeah, I see her..."
"You've got to have sex with her and give her an orgasm. And she hasn't had an orgasm in 10 years!"
The guy is speechless. As thinks everything over he starts taking shot after shot to build up his liquid courage. Then he jumps up and says, "What's the first part again?"
The bartender points at the big guy by the pool table. "The big motherf*cker!"
The guy runs over, jumps up and WHAM!!!! Knocks the guy out with one punch. "What's next bartender?"
The bartender points at the back door. "Rottweiler!" And the guy runs out the back door.
Time goes by and the bartender is starting to get worried. He starts walking toward the back door to make sure the guy isn't dead. Just then, the guy walks through the door, clothes torn to shreds, bleeding all over the place.
"Alright, where's that fat ***** with the abscess tooth?"
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Oh, that's for our standing bar bet. It cost $5 to enter and if you win, you get all the money."
"Must be pretty hard. How much money is in there?"
"Well, over $5,000 by now. And it is a difficult bet but I can't tell you what the bet consists of until you put your money in."
the guy is intrigued and has a couple of shots before giving the bartender $5, and says, "Ok, tell me about this bet."
"Well, it's a 3-part bet. First, you see that big motherf#cker over by the pool table? You've gotta knock him out with one punch."
The guy looks over a sees a huge man, 300 pounds of pure muscle. "Wow, that's scary. What's the second part?"
The bartender points at the back door. "Out back, we've got a rottweiler with an abscess tooth. Every year that tooth gets nastier and nastier, and every year that rottweiler gets meaner and meaner. You've gotta pull out that abscess tooth."
"Holy crap! I'm scared to ask what the third part is..."
"Well, you see that fat ***** at the end of the bar?"
The guy looks down the bar to see a 400 pound, toothless woman. The ugliest woman he's ever seen. "...yeah, I see her..."
"You've got to have sex with her and give her an orgasm. And she hasn't had an orgasm in 10 years!"
The guy is speechless. As thinks everything over he starts taking shot after shot to build up his liquid courage. Then he jumps up and says, "What's the first part again?"
The bartender points at the big guy by the pool table. "The big motherf*cker!"
The guy runs over, jumps up and WHAM!!!! Knocks the guy out with one punch. "What's next bartender?"
The bartender points at the back door. "Rottweiler!" And the guy runs out the back door.
Time goes by and the bartender is starting to get worried. He starts walking toward the back door to make sure the guy isn't dead. Just then, the guy walks through the door, clothes torn to shreds, bleeding all over the place.
"Alright, where's that fat ***** with the abscess tooth?"
Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk
loool
Good advice !!❤
-YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN: Nowhere else in the World, our Lingo# You call a bathing suit a "kossie".# You call a traffic light a "robot".# You call an elevator a "lift"# You call a car hood a "bonnet"# You call a car trunk a "boot"# You call a pickup truck a "bakkie"# You call a Barbeque a "Braai"# Employees dance and sing in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.# You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.# You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.#You can sing your national anthem in four languages and you have no idea what it means in any of them.# You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.# You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.# You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's license when stopped by a traffic officer.# You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement!!!!!# You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.# You know a taxi can move twice its certified number of people in one trip.#You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.# You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee!# More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.# People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation.# "Now now" or "just now" can mean anything from a minute to a month.# You start every second sentence with ja/nee, or ja, swaer.#You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis traveling in the opposite direction.# Traveling at 120 km/h, you're the slowest vehicle on the freeway.# A bullet train is being introduced, but potholes can't be fixed.# The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire vacation
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-YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN: Nowhere else in the World, our Lingo# You call a bathing suit a "kossie".# You call a traffic light a "robot".# You call an elevator a "lift"# You call a car hood a "bonnet"# You call a car trunk a "boot"# You call a pickup truck a "bakkie"# You call a Barbeque a "Braai"# Employees dance and sing in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.# You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.# You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.#You can sing your national anthem in four languages and you have no idea what it means in any of them.# You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.# You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.# You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's license when stopped by a traffic officer.# You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement!!!!!# You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.# You know a taxi can move twice its certified number of people in one trip.#You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.# You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee!# More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.# People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation.# "Now now" or "just now" can mean anything from a minute to a month.# You start every second sentence with ja/nee, or ja, swaer.#You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis traveling in the opposite direction.# Traveling at 120 km/h, you're the slowest vehicle on the freeway.# A bullet train is being introduced, but potholes can't be fixed.# The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire vacation
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eeeeeuw hahahahaha
I love Chopper! 18 L
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